You Are Not Your Dad, You Are the Generational Pattern Breaker

This episode is about having a pattern of needing to be in a relationship and feeling like something is missing if you don’t have a person. Today’s caller, Lee, has a lot of awareness, but something is missing, and that is being able to access and release his anger. We work through how to release his anger, grieve his childhood, and step into his power.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode330]

If we grow up in a household with a lot of anger, we think all anger is that way. Yet, anger itself is not bad. It is what we do with anger that can be harmful to ourselves or others. Anger projected onto others through words, yelling, abuse, or violation is unhealthy and dark. Anger directed inward such as being hard on yourself, having a bad inner critic, or self-harming is also unhealthy anger. Yet, anger itself is a natural human emotion.

If we get our anger out in a safe way we show up more grounded and more present. We become calmer. Remember, we never want to direct our anger at someone and never inward onto ourselves. We want to get a pillow and let our anger out to allow the parts of us that are angry a chance to heal.

Releasing anger is an important way we become empowered. Often, what makes us needy is that we haven’t found our fierceness or our voice and we are always looking for somebody else to make us feel a certain way. But, when we can get our anger out and step into our power we stop looking to others to fill a void.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel like something is missing if you are not in a relationship?
• Do you tend to attract people with an avoidant attachment style?
• Did you grow up with one or both parents that were either neglectful or abusive?
• Did you feel unwanted as a child and are consistently trying to love yourself but you can’t seem to let the unloved feelings go?

Lee’s Question:

Lee always feels that something is missing in his life. He feels he is drawn to people too quickly.

Lee’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He strives to work on his physical and mental health.
• He feels something is missing in his life.
• Being with another person makes him feel safe.
• He uses relationships to fill a void.
• He has an anxious attachment style.
• He was neglected and abused in childhood.
• His father tore the family apart.
• He felt unwanted and not good enough as a child.
• He does things to self-soothe.
• He represses his anger and turns it inward.
• He outsources his self-worth to other people.
• He is needy in relationships.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Have compassion for himself.
• Allow his inner child to fully grieve.
• Let his anger out to release his emotions.
• Examine the conscious and subconscious vows he made to not be like his father.
• Step into his masculinity and power.

Takeaways:

• Do the Anger Release exercise to move the energy of anger out.
• Are there any conscious or unconscious vows or oaths you made to never be like someone? If so, you may be denying a part of your expression and it is likely holding you back from authenticity.

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