Understanding Compulsive Spending and Self-Worth

Guest: Ruschelle Khanna - Family business consultant, psychotherapist, and author of "Inherited Trauma and Family Wealth"

Key Timestamps & Ideas

3:00-5:30 - Growing Up in Coal Country Despite feeling abundant as a child, underlying financial anxiety from this environment shaped her early money scripts and relationship with wealth.

5:30-8:00 - The Origins of Inherited Trauma WorkThree catalysts led to her book: inheriting a traumatic memory from her mother, experiencing Lyme disease, and 20 years of NYC client work.

8:00-12:00 - The Prison MetaphorBoth poverty and wealth can create psychological prisons.

12:00-15:30 - Practical Healing StrategiesFamily governance serves as therapeutic tool, along with genealogy research and getting families talking.

15:30-20:00 - Transparency vs. SecrecyShe advocates transparency about family wealth with next generation, explaining how secrecy robs children of pride in family legacy.

20:00-25:00 - Multi-Generational DynamicsLonger lifespans create more generations alive simultaneously. Value differences between generations are natural. Documenting family legacy helps members understand the "unique collection of coincidences" that created family wealth.

25:00-30:00 - The Five Liabilities of Family TeamsFamilies fall into cycles of chaos, conflict avoidance, people pleasing, procrastination, and abandonment. Conflict in wealthy families isn't "about the money" but about belonging and unspoken pain, with underlying trauma as the root cause.

30:00-35:00 - Money as Intimate EnergyMoney sits at our "root chakra" with sexuality and intimacy. The pudendal nerve means "the place to be ashamed of" in Latin, explaining why people discuss trauma but avoid talking about money in therapy.

35:00-40:00 - Success vs. Failure in Wealth TransitionSuccess requires strong relational, financial, and operational systems. Even "abandonment" can resolve energetically over generations, though blended families face increased emotional complexity and trust issues.

40:00-45:00 - Self-Worth and Sibling DisparitiesThe pillar metaphor describes never feeling "less than" by cultivating both inherent worth ("you're lovable because you exist") and earned worth. Wealth disparities between siblings can destroy family relationships.

45:00-50:00 - Addressing Compulsive BehaviorsCompulsive spending functions as addiction: "what is the pain you're running from?" Imposter syndrome and Dunning-Kruger effect represent two sides of worth issues, while "inversion of trust" means feeling safer with strangers than family.

50:00-55:00 - Individual Change Creates Systemic HealingWorking on inherited trauma individually heals entire family systems. Using the "fascia" metaphor, removing one knot improves the whole system. Success means creating lasting change while learning personally.

Podcast Program – Disclosure Statement

Blue Infinitas Capital, LLC is a registered investment adviser and the opinions expressed by the Firm’s employees and podcast guests on this show are their own and do not reflect the opinions of Blue Infinitas Capital, LLC. All statements and opinions expressed are based upon information considered reliable although it should not be relied upon as such. Any statements or opinions are subject to change without notice.

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