Navigating Insecurities in Relationships

In this episode, we explore the two key topics: how to secure and convert high-quality partners and how to avoid hypergamy in relationships. The discussion delves into personal examples and broader societal observations, including the dynamics that made the hosts' relationship successful. We also touch on the pitfalls of traditional and urban monoculture relationship paradigms, and the importance of having an aligned objective function for a stable partnership. Insights on effective dating strategies, transparency, and ideological alignment in relationships are shared to help viewers navigate their own journey to finding a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Simone Collins: [00:00:00] Hello everyone. I'm really excited to be talking with you today. I am a woman, a wolf, I'm hypergamous, I'm evil. And I'm going to tell you exactly why I chose my husband, who of course I will discard someday for a better, I mean, maybe let's find out specifically the two concepts we're going to be discussing in this episode.

is how I secured Simone as a wife. And the second is IE, why did she develop feelings for me from her own perception? Why did she decide to marry me when before this she had been very urban monoculture, very in that bubble, you know, how do you secure and convert, not just secure, but convert high quality women?

And then second, how do you avoid hypergamy? We're talking about this because a lot of people following this podcast are interested in finding a wife and also many of the ambitious, intelligent, successful young women they're dating are [00:01:00] also very urban monoculture pill. They're just like me. They never want to have kids.

They want to focus on their career. They're the idea of pregnancy is abhorrent to them. So maybe we can use me as a case study delve into my previous brain and at least the, the dynamics that enabled. Malcolm's in my relationship to happen to see if maybe some of this might be replicated for you if this is a goal of yours.

And then how to avoid hypergamy, which I would argue is made likely by overly trad relationships. Both being too overly urban monoculture or overly trad makes you very at risk for hypergamy. That's interesting. The first thing I think of when you mentioned that is when it comes to careers, the smart thing is to switch careers every few years because you're able to get a better income.

And I wonder if the same dynamic is the case when your career is being a wife, like after a few years, especially if you feel like you're appreciating in value, like if you're building an online following or you're getting hotter in any way, like if you're actually a terrible wife trading [00:02:00] up and being hypergamous is, is actually the logical thing to do.

That's interesting. Sorry. Well, let's start with you and why you chose me and what guys have Gotten your eye before. Yeah, so I have a very consistent track record of people I've had crushes on since I was a teen the universal factor is Having a unique passion for something in your life, knowing who you are and being very transparent about it and unapologetic about it.

In other podcasts, we've, we've alluded to this like very embarrassing crush I had on this guy who was really into Catholic doctrine. And I would go to his dorm room bringing all these cupcakes and asking him hard questions about Catholicism. Cause it was just like my excuse to like get him to talk to me more.

I had crushes on people. who were, you know, ended up, he ended up, he's like, Oh, Simone, I've enjoyed these discussions with you so much. I've decided to become a priest. And she's like, [00:03:00] no, this is how good my game is. For those who don't know, Catholic priests can't marry or date. So yeah, that was, yeah.

I know it worked out really well. Come on, Malcolm. I'm really all is as it should be. I want to take a few notes on what you're saying here because Simone is not unique in this fact. Not at all. Most high value women I know have this profile in terms of what that like gets them excited about a partner.

And A lot of the guys I know when they are pursuing women do not pursue them using these techniques and we'll go over the techniques that they use that are really ineffective. The first, I think one thing I'll just note is even when you look at a lot of the crushes that take place in fictional universes it's often on guys who.

I have no interest in women are not like, Oh, I'm here. Cause I'm like powerful and cool. It's men who are extremely passionate about whatever it is. Like be that revenge or [00:04:00] saving their kingdom or something else. It's people who know who they are and have a mission and are pursuing it. And these are the women, this, these are the men to whom women want to hitch their wagons.

Yep. Lots of Luigi Mini Gionni fan fictions going around right now. I was just watching that. Oh dear. But I, I. I want to explain one, why this is the case. And two, the, the reason why guys are making mistakes is the first mistake comes downstream of the red pill movement. And you and I would actually consider ourselves like red pillars to an extent.

The red pill is fundamentally correct where it taught guys that, hey, women say they want X, but they really want Y. But there was a sub caveat to everything the red pill taught men and everything the pickup artist taught men Which was, this is how you win on the sexual marketplace. And as we've always pointed out, there are two key marketplaces.

There is the sexual marketplace, and there is the marriage slash long [00:05:00] term relationship marketplace. And on the sexual marketplace, women have an enormous advantage. And, you know, these same guys will laugh at women who think they can get the same type of guy to marry them as they can get to sleep with them on a one night stand, but not apply just as for that woman, different rules apply between these two marketplaces, different things are arousing, different things are desirable.

The same thing is true for men. And so they apply. Tools and techniques that have been optimized to secure a woman who will sleep with you as quickly as possible. Like, as attractive as a woman as possible, sleeping with you as quickly as possible. Well, what's one of the things that those techniques are going to filter out if they are working as intended?

They are going to filter out chaste women very early. You would want them to filter out chaste women. But I'm going to a bar and I am looking to come home and sleep with someone that night. A pickup line that causes [00:06:00] a woman like Simone, who before me had never slept with someone to like and walk away is actually a good line.

It increases the probability that you end up going home with someone. But the problem is, is it also means that intrinsically the women who you are bringing home are gonna be well, both one less chaste and two less interesting. And so you could say, okay, so why is it that so many of this chaste cast of women is thinking like Simone is in terms of their arousal pattern?

Like, why are they looking for a man who has a mission? And I think that there is. A line in Rick and Morty that is said derogatorily, but it's actually, I think, the aspiration for a lot of women. Which is, he says, hey,

I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else's.

Simone Collins: But that, I think, is the reality of an aspiration among many women.

Is they want to set themselves up in a [00:07:00] life that looks like it's going to matter and be respected. Or at least be something that they can take personal pride in being a part of. I think it also might correlate with long term signs of career stability. So it, this is the behavior that you would expect from someone who is not a free radical, from someone who is likely to have a steady income and security in their life.

And I think, Women looking for long term partners are subconsciously looking for someone who is also dependable and consistent and a safe person to address it. I disagree actually. So here, listen to this and then you'll be like, Oh yeah, you're right. Okay. Okay. Of the women I know who have chosen partners based on this factor, which a lot of high quality women have.

The most common relationship structure is the sword and shield structure that we have discussed multiple [00:08:00] times. Sword and shield structure relationships mean the woman chooses, or not the woman, one of the partners, chooses to be the shield. That means they are a secure source of income. And then the sword goes out and does the high risk, high reward things that can move the family.

It's the passion. It's the consistent passion and transparency that indicates that they will be a sword at all. I think absolutely. Women are more likely to be the shield. I think you're totally wrong in thinking that. Women aren't looking for a consistent driving passion to be able to trust that their men will be a sword.

I cannot tell you how many women i've encountered who have met and ended up with men and then ultimately left them or just been Dragged by down by them for life because those men end up just being louts at home and not doing anything Like that is a really common issue You're saying but the way that you had framed this to begin with is they look for this trait of In men, because it leads to economic stability and careers.

But you have to understand a man who is [00:09:00] passionate, who knows what he's all about and who really is like. big on a thing isn't a guy who like gets a salary job and does his nine to five. Right, because this is literally antithetical to economic stability. No, I don't, I don't mean economic stability. I mean, like you can depend on them to be driving the family forward.

Towards the goal. Yes, but I think that's the way you said what you said could easily be misinterpreted by a guy to be girls want a guy was a successful, like, say, bureaucratic career. And I'm sure some do some do, but I would say that if you're looking for like really high quality women, often that is not what they want and they actually want to be support for the guy, but when they want to be support for a guy, they want the guy doing something big and interesting enough to be worth dedicating your life to a supporting role in that.

Because you're investing, you're [00:10:00] essentially investing in a startup. So you're not going to invest in a startup. Stupid sounding startup. You want to invest in something good. Yeah. And I also know we've had sword and shield relationships for people who are like, well, I prefer traditional relationship.

Well, this was traditional for Vikings. Women stayed, they managed the family finances. They managed the farm and the guy would go in Spartans too. Yeah, no, this is actually probably more of a common relationship in, in human history. Then anything close to a nuclear family has been where the guy goes out and earns all the money and the woman stays at home and does nothing.

That's, that's incredibly rare. That's really kind of descended from aristocratic relationships. The women, yeah, the women never really did anything if they were high achieving, even aristocratic women. Did a lot like they did the household management if you were an aristocratic woman, that means that your husband ran ran You know an estate this this was the equivalent of running a city like being a mayor of a city Yeah, you were there were there were tenants who were farming you had a village you had the entire household You were [00:11:00] entertaining important guests.

You were basically running an events management company and a small town This is where you got the, the poverty and I'd call it like the, the emotional poverty of the nuclear family, which as we pointed out before really only started in like the 1910s and only lasted until the 19 let's say seventies, where you had men who supported a wife at home.

And that was because the middle class in America. Tried to model their family structure off of the family structure of aristocrats of before 1910. So, you know, they saw the woman staying at home, the man going out. And but by the way, before this period, what you had was corporate families, the man and the woman would work together to run something.

But anyway they, they, Saw this happening and they tried to model it but without understanding That the women who lived this type of lifestyle were actually doing a ton of stuff But because they didn't have courts because they didn't have you know parties Every other month at [00:12:00] their house that like hundreds of people would come to because they didn't have a staff The woman was just sitting at home all day And this is why you got all these housewives addicted to like cocaine and like other stuff What were all the drugs that they were on?

I can't remember Mommy's little helper. Yeah. A major problem for housewives because you can't just like sit at home and do nothing all day. I mean in the like 30s to 50s it was in fed means and then after that it was like, I would say 60s to 90s it was benzos. So it kind of depends on your time. Yeah, but I'd also note here around like, let's say arousal patterns because like you actually, you didn't just like logically decide to go for me.

Yeah. You developed a crush on me when you saw my passion and how much I had thought through things. Like, explain how that works, because I think that's going to be interesting for people. Yeah the, the biggest thing that felt so shocking, going on a date with Malcolm after going on a date with me, A bunch of [00:13:00] other guys in the Bay Area when I was on my campaign and that is to say when I turned 24 I decided there's a new year's resolution that year I was going to fall in love and have my heart broken and then live alone forever So I was like systematically going through okay Cupid going like dating through the bay area the san francisco bay area to try to find someone I could fall in love with The guys before, you know, we, we had some of the conversations were interesting.

Some of the dates were really interesting and surprising but they never really, no one stood out because no one, no, everyone was aimless. No one knew what they, Really valued what they cared about. There were certainly things they were interested in. They were building this or that are working on us with their career, or they really were interested in four year transforms or like building obstacle courses or all sorts of interesting things.

Like they were interesting people. And I, I also, I think it's misleading for me to be like, none of them had passions, but none of them had passions that [00:14:00] came from any sort of ideological or like deep set values. It was, it was hobbies. And I think Interesting hobbies that augmented their self perception as interesting people.

Yeah, and you know, I don't know if this is true. I was listening to a podcast earlier this month about hobbies being something that were concertedly developed even through the school system under the understanding that as technology advanced, society would end up with a ton of free time, and needed to direct that free time in a virtuous direction.

Like with sports or woodwork or fishing or whatever, so that, you know, they didn't like loiter on the streets and just start breaking things for fun because they had the time because they didn't have to work all the time anymore. And I really, whether that's true or not, and it's probably at least a little bit true.

The concept of hobbies really is kind of this opiate of the masses thing. It's like, yeah, I really highlight on something. They were in terms of women's arousal patterns. [00:15:00] Right. Which is hobbies are what you do to masturbate specific emotional pathways as a male, what you do when you don't have.

Purpose in life. Because if you have a, if you know what you're doing with your life, no, no, no, hear me out here. Like if you really know what you're all about, you may do something to wind down a little bit that you could call a hobby, but you really don't have like. A big all encompassing hobby because you have a bigger thing to work toward and you're going to take your free time to do That to advance on that, you know, I I agree a hundred percent but but like for me, for example I do like recreational activities that I understand to be purely recreational like video games For yeah, but you only do them when you like actually need to rest because you literally can't think anymore You've been right, but I, yeah, I understand that they are no different from masturbation.

That is what I am doing when I am playing a video game. I am masturbating parts of my head. And I think that some men hear women to say something like a guy [00:16:00] who's a gamer gives me the ick and they're like, Oh my gosh, like, because you see this like guys, right? They're like, Oh, women like just discount any guy who's a gamer.

And like, you misunderstand what's being said here, right? It's guys whose primary thing in life is gaming is what is giving the ick. It is guys whose gaming is more important to them than their purpose. That is going to give any high quality woman the ick. Any sort of hobby, where hobby is defined as something that doesn't follow some sort of like deep seated value for, Like I could say improving the world or whatever it is that you want to do, right?

Even if it's well a fairly high status one like I Put together like a zombie run in san francisco every year or something like that, right? Like and it's it's big and it's all on all the newspapers and it's like that's a big thing But it's a thing devoid of purpose It's a high status thing and it adds a quirk to your character, but it's a thing devoid of [00:17:00] purpose or I do these really cool like Burning Man art displays and come check out this giant like truck a saurus I made and it's like that's cool, but yeah, a lot of people like that and it was fun exploring these things with them, but I never came away from our dates thinking.

Like I want to be associated with this person. Like this is someone I could spend my life with. Absolutely. Absolutely. And so I, I think that

one thing you said to me when you were talking about this is you're like, they have to have an objective function. And if you don't have one of those yet, the pragmatist guide to life, our first book, it's 99 cents on Amazon. Like just get it and read it. An objective function is a term that we use to describe Thing or collection of things like, you know, weighted weighted things that you think have inherent value and that you want to maximize with your life.

They're not life goals because that implies that this thing of inherent value can be achieved. Whereas pretty much [00:18:00] all objective functions whether it be, you know, reducing suffering in mankind or maximizing the amount that you can learn or you know, protecting human flourishing and intelligence all of these things are, are not discreet goals.

So do you have any more thoughts on this particular topic before we go to the next one? The other thing that really was And that stood out, which I think is also super important. And this is an issue with both men and women is how transparent and honest you were on our first date. You sit across from me and you say I'm not looking to date.

I'm looking to find a wife and I expect to find her this fall at Stanford where there's a large pool of pre wedded candidates. Immediately. I knew that you were looking to get married that you Had specific criteria for a wife that you didn't think that I fit that criteria, but you were still willing to talk to me.

And then you proceeded to give me, like you laid out your, your objective function, what you believed mattered and how you were going to achieve it with your life. And that to me was [00:19:00] so refreshing because I know that everyone I went on a date with wanted something, but the vast majority, like, well, none of them until you.

Actually told me that, you know, it was just always talking about other things. It was never, just never out there. And I think that both men and women, I think they think because they're often tropes of being transparent as, as being seen as being desperate or needy, you know, like a woman being like, I'm looking to get married on a first date.

And not playing hard to get, for example being seen as bad, but honestly, it just, There, there are bad ways to deliver it, but if you deliver it right, and if you're based and honest about it, when you really reveal your agenda, you are saving time. If someone doesn't want to get married and you want to get married and you're on a date with them, it is so good for all of you.

If you just, Make it clear that you're not a good match. The sooner you get to know on that front, the better. And it's similar with, you [00:20:00] know, pickup artistry. If someone isn't interested in having sex that night and you want sex that night, you need to move on. And this is really clear in all the strategy forums.

Like you, you cannot afford to spend your entire night working on a girl who clearly isn't going to go home with you. So Yeah, I just, that transparency was huge, and I loved that. It was very sexy. And that's the problem with the pickup artist community in terms of finding wives. It's that woman who is literally the worst woman for a pickup artist.

Oh, yeah. The best woman for a guy who wants to get married. Yeah. And so it led to really bad techniques being developed. And, and here I'd note the final thing, the huge mistake that guys make is a big thing in pickup artistry is looking dominant and fitting this aesthetic of masculinity. And a lot of men online will shame other men for not fitting this aesthetic of masculinity.

They'll be like, Oh, you know, you're not being masculine or buff in this way. Or, Oh, you're not being masculine or buff in this [00:21:00] way. That is a form of masturbation. No different from video games in the eyes of high quality women. Of these quote unquote, like masculine buff type guys. I don't know a single one of them who has landed a high quality wife.

Like it just never happens. And they'll go online and they'll s**t on other guys for like acting Faye or like, Oh, I bet he's gay or like whatever, you know, because that's how they built sort of their internal structure. Well, that's this obsession with. Appearance reeks of insecurity and women can sniff that out like shark sniff blood.

Right on. I am gonna hit a homer today. Hey, who's that handsome guy? Hello? 9 1 1. Emergency. There's a handsome guy in my house. Oh, wait a second. Cancel that. It's only me. Oh, you drive me away,

Simone Collins: And that's another reason why your honesty was so hot and why anyone's honesty is hot is that. Honesty reeks of [00:22:00] confidence, which is the sexiest thing you could possibly have. It's so much more important than looks. Yes and and so i'd really if guys see themselves as very masculine very manlike and that's a very important part of their identity I will say and I I I know that this requires like serious soul searching in terms of like Whether it's reading the pragmatist guide to life or rethinking other things about your life.

If, if you are struggling to find high quality partners, that's likely why. Guys like this do not get high quality partners almost ever. And you can be like, well, what about Andrew Tate? And I was like, well, do you think his partners are that high quality? Like, these are like bimbos. Like, what, what are you talking about?

Would you actually be happy? Like having an intellectual discussion with them and you're like, well, you don't need to have an intellectual discussion with your wife. And it's like, you better hope you plan to have an intellectual discussion with your kids because if you marry a woman who's a bimbo and an idiot, then your kids are going to be bimbos and idiots.

Weak wives make weak sons. Okay. So that's not a good [00:23:00] strategy and it just doesn't work. It just doesn't work. You can only get so many Andrew Tate's, you know what I mean? So to the next thing, hypergamy. All right. So fundamentally what causes hypergamy? It is When a woman chooses a man and there's this fear among a lot of men that like if you had my wife had a guy who had significantly more money than me, who was interested in you and at an equal level of attraction or whatever, and you've had guys who I think have had hundreds of millions of dollars interested in you or express interest, you might be too autistic to notice.

I genuinely wouldn't tell you. Is this the only reason I haven't left you, Malcolm? Yeah, yeah, you gotta give him a piece of advice if you don't notice. But what people note here, and one guy was like, yeah, well, okay. He said this and I think that he sort of began to understand how you prevent hypergamy when he was going through his, oh, yes, but he's like, look, when a woman finds a guy who has, let's say, 5 more than her husband [00:24:00] and that guy will take her, she'll leave him for them.

And then the guy was like, well, yeah, but then you've got to like price in things like starting the relationship over again, the risk of the new relationship, blah, blah, blah. He's like, okay, okay, okay. Once you price all that in, if they have, you know, marginally more money they will take that. And here you might be expecting me to say, no, they won't take that.

And I'd actually say, actually, yeah, most women will take that. But that is because. Many men have not priced into their relationships, the cost of leaving them i. e. the structure of their relationships into the cost of leaving them. So, for example, you could and, and this often happens with guys and girls, and you were talking about this, like a guy moves up in the world.

And with that brings a woman up in the world. Maybe he becomes a congressman or something. Right. And then she ends up meeting some business tycoon at some fancy party. And now, you know, she's no longer a waitress. She's the wife of a and then [00:25:00] I was at an event recently, a heritage foundation event, and there was a lawyer there who's talking about how divorce can even become trendy in some communities and positively start augmenting people's social status.

Like, well, if you don't have an X, then you're not really, I mean, you're sort of scoogy, you know what I mean? So when you have all of that, you can have people want to leave their partner with only minimal cost to them, right? It's like, well, you know, I'm staying at home. And this is why stay at home.

Wives are so likely to leave their husbands because husband's are like, what? I did everything. I supported them. And it's like, no, you created a lot of life. Where they could just trade you out for anyone else who was supporting them with an equal amount of money. That is what you created. And worse, they have a psychological belief in their head.

If they don't have a, a new partner lined up, which sometimes they don't that they can secure the same type of partner that they were dating when they first met you. Now this belief is wrong, but it can still lead them to leaving you and making really, [00:26:00] really dumb decisions that hurt you both or.

You know, their friends will be like, Hey, you can get all that money, you know as they say, you know, in a divorce, his lawyer was telling me that's, it usually goes half the money goes to the wife, a quarter goes to the lawyers and a quarter goes to the husband. Oh gosh. And this woman can get a stipend.

She doesn't need to listen to you anymore. You know, she's on pay for the next, this is a pretty good, like, okay. So then you're like, if you didn't have some kind of emotional investment in the relationship, like an ideological or emotional investment. You'd be kind of dumb to not go for it. It would be It would be stupid to not so then a person can say, wait, you're, you're making it seem very likely that a woman would leave you.

Right? It's like, no, if you do this trad thing, it's likely that a woman like the Laura Thurston thing, right? You know, she tried the whole trad thing and then they broke up and Or that Steven Crowder thing. He was trying the whole trad thing and they broke up. But and you know, who knows if she, you know, [00:27:00] overly exaggerated in the claims against him and stuff like that.

I've heard that she might have, but you know, there's the footage, so whatever. The point being, I'm sure if you could get footage of the worst I'd ever been to Simone, I mean, it wouldn't be like that, but I would look bad. I'd be like, We all look bad when we're being dicks too. Each other. I mean, what do you want to say?

The point here is if you left me both of us would have nothing the cost to leaving me to you and me Is so catastrophic that No matter how much money a guy had, it wouldn't be worth it because we have built a traditional corporate relationship, which means that my public identity in your public identity and our public identities being our, so for example they're like, wait, you guys work in private equity.

Yeah, but we worked in private equity together. We were co CEOs of our companies. We co raised money for our [00:28:00] funds. They're like, well, you guys are well known public figures together. We have a joint Wikipedia page. I don't know anyone else with a joint Wikipedia page. How do you get divorced? If you have a joint Wikipedia page we've written all our books together.

We do our podcast together. I want your thoughts on this.

The marriages I've seen fell apart and some of them even include marriages that I just thought were. The dream marriages of, you know, the parents of my friends who I thought were just perfect together, they, they resulted from a lack of ideological alignment of the relationship being of two people living their own lives, rather than a team fighting toward a shared goal.

When you marry someone because you want a partner, someone, a friend, someone to keep you company, someone to raise your kids, someone to clean your house, someone to make money for you. So you can keep a house that, that it often isn't [00:29:00] ideologically aligned. It's not the incentives aren't aligned and you can drift apart from that person really, really easily.

That's why I, it's, it's not for me. I actually think it would be fairly easy for us to part ways logistically speaking. And at least for me, to have a career, I think being a white man and trying to get a career is really scary these days, but like, if I had, you know, no attachment to you and you suddenly became terrible to me, It would not be a problem for me to leave you, period.

Like, it's just that easy. And I think everyone, like, this is why men are afraid to get married. The reason I This is a really good point. So, so I, yeah, I could have been wrong in what keeps you with me which is You are wrong. I am wrong. So it's that what really puts a marriage at risk, and this is a problem for a lot of trad individuals, is they marry somebody who has chosen to marry you, not because of you, but because you allow them to fulfill a role, i.

e. they really wanted to be a mom, they [00:30:00] really wanted to be a stay at home wife, they really wanted to be a, and you Functionalize that role. And this is a huge problem. Like if you're like a trad Mormon or a trad Cath or like a trad, you know you will find a lot of women like that who aren't marrying you for a shared mission but are marrying you so they can perform a role.

And that means that you are interchangeable for anyone who makes that role incrementally easier. Or not even interchangeable. You will become irrelevant. if their desired role changes or if you fail to, to maintain that role yourself. Well, I mean, I think the really scary thing for guys is they can maintain the role, but somebody else can maintain it better.

That's true. Yeah. That's, that's the third way this can go wrong. No, the, the, I would not leave you because not, I mean, not only do I, like, am I over the moon for you and I love you and also you just get hotter every day. And I don't know why there's just so many things that [00:31:00] I absolutely adore about you.

It's because there, I cannot fathom a, a more effective way. To achieve my objective function then by working in tandem with you that I will be significantly worse off at maximizing my values. If I'm working without you, and I think there's something similar for you, you know, without me, your impact in life would be so much less.

And for that reason, we are a very strong team. We are more impactful together. And there's a very strong disincentive for us to not work together because working alone, we achieve. 20 percent of what we achieve working together. And that's the big thing. Well, I mean, but that's the cost thing. Like you say, it's not a cost to leaving me, but a cost to leaving me is that you are less efficient at achieving your goal and you would price that in most couples.

I'm in, I'm [00:32:00] talking about a scenario in which that wasn't the case. Like we weren't ideologically aligned. In which case logistically, like from a perspective of me having an easy life and having the income I need to, you know, meet my needs. Like there's no problem there. And that's how most people are thinking that the vast majority of couples, as you know, I mean, have you talked to a person recently, like, you know, we, we do this all the time, are not ideologically aligned.

They're, they often are, you know, smart, wonderful people who love each other very much. And are nice and like get along well. And people typically think, Oh, there goes a really nice couple, but if they are not ideologically aligned and essential to the other person to help them achieve their life's purpose, the relationship is on thin ice.

Right. Well, and that's something that is a result of the first thing that we talked about. And it's why it's good to have these two conversations together, which you chose me because I had a [00:33:00] purpose in life that you could understand and logically agree with. Yeah. More importantly, you had a purpose in life and it 100 percent aligned with what I valued.

My, like I wrote in my diary after I met you after our first date about how mad I was that I wasn't you. Because you got it as far as I was concerned and you were doing such a better job than I was. Like you, you had thought through things so much better than I had. You knew what you were doing. You were on your way.

And I was just so pissed that I wasn't you. And I think that's, that's another really good sign. It's like, Oh, like this is a, this is a force multiplier of me. Like I want to be them is a much better. Instinct to have with a potential life partner than I want to be with them where I want to, I want to have sex with them.

I want to be them is like. That's, that's who you want to marry. That's someone you admire. That's someone who can help you achieve your goals in life. Like that is, that is something beautiful. And I still exist. You're still here. The truth is, and this is [00:34:00] what makes dating so hard is you really do need to, you cannot, and I think so many guys try this as they try to.

Accommodate women who are in the urban monoculture rather than shock women in the urban monoculture, out of the urban monoculture to try for something more and bigger. And this accommodating approach to dating, I think leads to really negative outcomes as negative as the trad outcomes. Because you're like, okay, we're going to like compromise our beliefs about the world.

So we can kind of work together because both of us want to be married and like have a kid or something. Right. Which is very different. You need. Personal belief system that you have so much conviction in that it sort of shocks him out of this poorly thought through urban monoculture framework, which is the reason why when people are like, Oh, I want to date, which of your books do I read in the pragmatist guide to relationships with the pragmatist guide to sexuality?

I'm like, it's the pragmatist guide to life. That's the one to be good at dating. Yes. Anyway, I really hope that this helps somebody and that you don't make these mistakes because it is [00:35:00] so easy to do. Yeah. Which is funny because I think. For the vast majority of human history, people have been getting together for the reasons we describe, you know, it's like, hey, we want we're fighting for the same thing.

This is a sensible partnership. We, we shall marry, so I will, but yeah, I love you broadly both why it's not just the progressive marriages that are struggling. It's. Also, the conservative and tribe marriages and a lot of people and it's so heartbreaking to me. They're like, but I was earning good money and I was supporting my wife and kids.

Why would she leave me? And it's like, well, because she can, she can leave you and she can get a stipend for the rest of her life and she can do whatever she wants and she doesn't need making meals anymore. And she can screw the pool boy. Like why wouldn't she leave you? You did. nothing to integrate her into your mission for life.

And there are ways a stay at home wife can be integrated into a man's mission for life. But it's hard and it's risky and it's [00:36:00] nuanced. You are threading the needle. You can't just serve a role. If you just serve a role, you've done the single most risky thing you can in terms of the structuring of the marriage.

Anyway, am I going to look really stupid when you leave me in a year for hot rich guy who's into you? You are hot like I just I can't You, you know, that like, if you were to die, for example, and you're not allowed to do that, by the way, there would be no replacement. There would be, there should be your life would be harder without one.

No, there's just, there's no replacing you. And I, I would not, I'm, I'm saying you should find another husband if I die. Well, I'm not going to, cause I think like all, all humans disgust me. And for some reason, yeah. You you're my human. So deal with it. Well, what about our kids? Don't they need a dad?

They'll just watch your podcasts, and I'll, you know, beat them up more. You'll, you'll synthesize one through an AI? Yeah, I'll just make an AI Malcolm. [00:37:00] It's fine. So, yeah, that's that's how I feel about you. There is no replacing you. I know you're going to replace me right away. I'd replace you right away.

I know, I know. Yeah, who's, who's the, who's the hypergamous one now? Who's the one who's, who's not faithful now? Huh? Huh? Wait, would you not want me to replace you? No, I would, I, yeah, I really want our kids to have someone who You're like, look, I can do both of the jobs. You don't clean. You don't do laundry.

You cannot do both of the jobs. I admit that. Yeah, the house would be in shambles. I, I, no, I would be turning in my grave. Which, no, please cremate me and turn it into diamonds so our children can wear their mother and be creepy about it. I'm really excited for that. Alright, love you Simone. I love you too so, and Hey, thank you for efficient use of time there, by the way. The way, I'm gonna handle the chickens after this, before I pick up the kids because I was just, Oh, and your Christmas present to me has finally [00:38:00] arrived of what is it? You'll find out, won't you? I'm so excited. She buys presents from me to her because I'm not, you know, the best.

I buy the presents for everyone in the family, but Malcolm still, with his discretionary income, pays for them, because he pays the exact same amount that I pay. For him and the same goes for our kids. So, so no one in the family receives more in monetary value and gifts than anyone. Is it just your weird neuroses?

I believe in equitable spending across the family. Thank you very much. So. There it goes. All right. I'm excited to be here. Sorry. Stop doing that. This is why, you know, this is why Octavian had that irritated lip issue. He kept licking his lips. You need to stop. But this is where he got it from. Malcolm. I get it.

It's too dry. You know what? I'm going to put the same. Bitter like skin thing on your lips that we had to [00:39:00] put on his. If you keep this up, put it on you when you're asleep, you won't, you won't have an escape because you are a deep sleeper. So watch out. Okay. I see you doing this again. Oh, Oh yeah. We got a terrifying life here.

You see, it's not all, what are the guns and roses? It's not all guns and roses.

Is that a traditionalist American thing? It's sunshine and rainbow. Oh, okay. Why would somebody want rainbows and sunshine? No, guns and roses. What would I do without you, Malcolm? Thank you for existing. Yeah, yeah.

We mentioned that, , because, you know, so many people were at Na, Alcon looking for a potential husband or wife that we'd start doing ads for women who are looking for a husband, , and happen to be watching. The reason we do it for women and not men is because most of our audience is men. So [00:40:00] most of the people who are going to be hearing this are going to be men.

, and many of them will be single and potentially interested in marrying someone. So, , if this person sounds interesting to you. , and you live in their area, you can email us and we'll pass it on. A creative young woman, 25, living in NYC and capable of managing money, conversing, dancing, and altogether making a calm, happy home.

Wishes to obtain an introduction to a sober, hardworking gentleman, not greatly, her senior who delights in having children underfoot and is eager to build a lighthouse on the sands of time? Must be a practicing Jew object matrimonial alliance.

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