The Deafening Clang

We're supposed to be experiencing the story from Will's perspective. Unless he is literally slowing time down, there is no way you could track the path of a bullet while dodging. Don't tell us, time slowed down. Slow time down and let us experience it directly. For what it's worth, I like the skeleton of a bus, that's nice and visual and crunchy. It tells us a lot about the scene,. Most readers will fill in a wrecked urban landscape, perhaps post-apocalyptic.