It's August! As the oppressive humidity sets in and the mosquito bites multiply exponentially, why not shove little Billy and Jessica in the backseat of the 'ol family station wagon and head to Orange County to experience the magical enchantment of the happiest place on Earth! Pay gobs of your hard-earned cash for for the privilege of dodging strollers and participating in the crass commercialism of late-stage capitalism, all to the calming soundtrack of babies crying and children screaming! And if you need a moment of escape from this cacophony of soul-crushing materialism? Be prepared to fork over $27 for a watered-down sangria sucked through a paper straw that is mere seconds away from losing all structural integrity. Our advice from the vacation experts here at BALD Vacations, LLC is to dispense with the straw and the cup, find a quiet dark corner behind a churro stand, and boof sangria after sangria until the only thing you can feel is the sweet freedom of complete and utter emotional numbness.

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