2min chapter

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Stop being so afraid: Nobody wants a humble consultant (and other truth bombs) from the rockstar of consulting, Alan Weiss (Episode 128)

First Time Facilitator

CHAPTER

How to Maintain Stability in Your Self-Esteem

You have to build yourself a steam to a point where it's stable. The words you use with yourself inform your attitudes which are manifest in your behaviors. Language is the key skill to any success in business, and too many people don't know how to control it. And so even if you're with a buyer and don't get the business, you learn something.

00:00
Speaker 2
I've got to sort of take a breath. Ah, ah, ah. What
Speaker 4
you spoke about.
Speaker 2
I was talking to Kevin actually just before we hit record with you, Ellen, about the self-esteem that you talk about in your book. I think that was really great that you referred to that because I'm certainly writing that wave that you map out. It's like you get asked for an awesome gig. You celebrate. Your esteem is really high. Then you make progress with the client. Then they don't end up signing a contract. And then it's like a dip. It's like this constant wave. How can we maintain more stability in that when it comes to maybe disassociating when the contract? Well, you
Speaker 1
have to build yourself a steam to a point where it's stable. In other words, if you look at these waves you talk about, right? High and low, self-esteem has to be constant. And so it's never as high as your last victory or as low as your last defeat. It's constant. You have to know who you are. And I advise people do that through a combination of things. One is positive self-talk. The great book on this is called Learned Optimism. It's written by Marty Seligman, another guy who had speak for me, University of Pennsylvania also. And the words you use with yourself inform your attitudes which are manifest in your behaviors. And so if you tell yourself, I'm probably going to be rejected. I'm probably going to be rejected. You're going to have a very lousy attitude and poor behavior. And you're going to be rejected. If you tell yourself, they really need me here. I can help these people. That's what's going to be manifest. You have a much better chance of succeeding. So that's number one. Number two is you have to constantly go to skill set and you can't become complacent. And so you have to acquire more skills and more skills. And the most important is language. Language controls discussions, discussions control relationships, relationships control business. And so language is the key skill to any success in business. And too many people don't know how to control it. They can't use analogies. They can't use metaphors. They can't use examples. And the final thing I'd say is you have to get out in practice. And this is what we were talking about before Lee Ann, where even if you're with a buyer and don't get the business, you learn something. So you have to get out and practice this. And so once you keep doing this, your steam grows. And you have to be fearless about this. You know, my last book came out earlier this year, it's called fearless leadership. And people are too scared too much of the time. And like I said, nobody is shooting at you.

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