I Did Nothing, I Did Not Do Anything Witty, I Just Did Nothing.

Listen to/Watch the Tiger Belly podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUNZe_ghZK4

• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deal_or_No_Deal_(American_game_show)#Season_one_(2005%E2%80%932006)
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howie_Mandel#Later_work
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Harvey

Transcript
 

[00:00:00] swyx: This is the story of how, Howie Mandel booked Deal or No Deal, completely turning his career around, even though he originally didn't want the job in the first place.  

As a word of caution, there is some swearing, there's a lot of swearing in this story. So you've been warned.  

[00:00:13] Bobby Lee: You told me once though, too, is that, um, At first, when dealer knew no deal was presented to you, you didn't really initially jump on  

[00:00:20] Howie Mandel: it, jump on it. I said, fuck you to the person. I know I was at 2005. I T I told you this, my career in my mind was over, you know, I had, I had done, uh, St elsewhere and I had done Bobby's world in the nineties, and I did a lot of TV. 

And I did a lot of movies in the eighties. And by about 2004, I was getting jobs at comedy clubs, which were maybe twenty-five percent full when I got there. So there was no people in the audience. So the audience has waned in my, in my height. I was playing like 10,000 seats and 84 or 83 and doing the tonight show. 

But now. 60 people in the audience. And I was reading for parts for five lines and under, so I bead outside a casting office and then I get this call from my manager, says, you know, NBC wants you to do, uh, a game show and I went, fuck you. And if you remember. Uh, nobody remembers, but if you remember 2004, 2005, at that time, not one comedian ever since Groucho Marx had done a game show, Gracia marks, did you bet your life, which Leno is actually doing right now, but, but no comedian had done that. 

And in fact, you know, being the game show host was the punchline. You know, it was kind of a joke. It's just the guy in a suit who reads trivia question. I didn't want to be a game. So I said, fuck you, you know, Career is over and I'd like to leave and leave. No, I'm I, I deal in, uh, I've I've done. Okay. But I like real estate as much as I like show business. 

So I was doing real. I said, listen, as for money and business, I can do okay. I just don't need to be constantly humiliated, embarrassed, kicked in the nuts mentally every fucking day. This is a really hard thing. Even when you're doing well, even when you're doing well, because the better you do the harder the rejection feels because you feel like you got that self worthiness and how can he say no? 

You know, even up to like two months ago, I've, you know, as you talked about, I produce shows, I've even said to a network, you know, All hosts this one and they have said to me, well, we don't want you. So yeah. You know, which is funny, but it's also, it's a kick in the nuts. So w what I'm saying is I couldn't, I wasn't, I didn't have the success along with the kick of the nuts. 

So I just said, listen, I'll make money. I'll do it. I don't need to do this to myself every day. And if I do a game show, that's going to be the nail in the coffin of my career. Wow. You know, game show hosts. That's the last thing I want to do, or I'd be embarrassed in front. Comedy community or anybody in show business. 

The last thing he did, he did St. Elsewhere. He did movies. He created shows. And now he's saying, what is the capital of Arizona for six points? Yeah. You know, it wasn't something I thought was an in the cards for me. And, and so I said, no, then they call back a half hour later they go. I just want you to understand that they're going to do this game. 

It's not an afternoon game show. They're going to do it in primetime five nights. And no network has ever devoted five hours in one week of prime time television to a game which already exists in most of the world and it's kicking ass. Ah, so I said, I really don't want to do it. He calls me back half hour later and he's. 

Will you just talk to the guy? I go, I'll talk to the guy, but I don't even want to, you know, part of the humiliation is me driving and trying to find the place I don't like today. Anyway, uh, he comes in and he goes, let me just show you the game. And I thought I was being pranked. It's this guy, Rob Smith from Endemol. And he brought in, he had a cartoon, he had a cartoon, he had a, um, an art card, like a piece of paper, and he had drawn 26 squares. 

He didn't go to Kinko. He didn't spend, it looked like a special needs after school project. Yeah. And, and, and he, he puts these 2016. I'm going to show you something, pick a card and don't show me what it is. And I pick a card and I don't show him what it is, but he's got the, each card had the amount of money on it, like a million and what yeah, he goes now, do you think you got the million? 

I go, well, I got the soup and why do I think he goes, watch this open up six other cards and whatever's in those cards is not in York and I didn't really understand. I go. Is there any trivia? Is there any skill. I went home and I told my wife, this is the worst fucking day, an hour an hour. And they kept saying to me, you are perfect for this. 

We can't do this without you Howie. We see you as the perfect person for this game, which bothered me more because there's no fucking game. Maybe it's because I had no fucking careers. So a guy with no career doing no games. Perfect. So. I went home and my wife said to me, what did, I said, it's his game. 

They opened up cases in that and she goes, do it. And, and, um, she just said flat out do it. Yeah. Well, she said, I don't want you in the house. She said, just do it please. You just gotta, I was going down a really dark wormhole. I was just sitting there horribly and she goes, I don't care what it is. Just do some, you just need to do it. 

And, and so she talked me into doing it, which I thought was. Horrible idea, but I listened to her, like you listened to her. They seem to be a little smarter than we are. Um, and, and the thing is that, so I went there and I was devastated, you know, was because they were practicing it and it didn't make any sense to me. 

And then I said, oh, and this is fraud. So I called them back on Friday and I said, okay, I'll do it. And they went great. We told you, you're the perfect person for this. You're the guy that can do this. And I said, when do we tape? And he goes Monday and I go Monday, Monday, but what about the models you need 26 months? 

We got, yes, you've already cast all the models I go. What about a set built? How fucking far down the list was? I, I called them back. I was terrified that I said, okay. But my wife made me say, okay. 

So I called them a couple hours later and I said, can I, I don't know what to do. And I've never done a game show QBO. I live vulnerable and scared, but yes, I was even more heightened vulnerability and fear because we were about to start. And so I said, can I hear some comedy from my friends too? Right? 

Maybe we can write maybe if nothing else, if this ga...