i had no idea what my own goals were, or what my motivations were. It was an impulsivity that's born of being that age. I didn't have the sort of executive function or grown up thinking to be able to say ok, will let me? That's an ok feeling to have. i thought it was going to be this sort of perfect escape. Even though i was scared of leaving home. Boarding school was a place of a lot of drugs and a very different environment from the sort of nurd paradise that i had hoped for.

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