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Bullying is about unmanaged aggression and broken containment in early life. Aggression is normal, but kids need adults to name it, hold it, and channel it into play with clear rules. When that doesn’t happen, some children learn to control and humiliate to feel safe, while others shut down and can’t access protective anger. Bullying works as a quick fix for shame or missing recognition, or as an enactment of a harsh inner critic; it gives brief relief and then flips into emptiness. In pairs and groups, people assign disowned traits to a target and attack them, and the crowd effect spreads cruelty while personal conscience fades. Schools should step in directly and calmly: set firm limits, bring the conflict into speech, teach regulation, build empathy, and help vulnerable students practice plain, assertive pushback. Change is easier in childhood; in adults, the pattern hardens and can cross into legal trouble. The ongoing task is individuation and shadow work: own the times you bullied or collapsed, take back what you projected, and use aggression for boundaries and clarity rather than domination or surrender.
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