3 Mindset Shifts to Build Emotional Resilience | Shireen Rizvi and Jesse Finkelstein
The Art of Charm
DEAR MAN: Asking for What You Want
Shireen teaches DEAR MAN steps with a raise negotiation example: describe, express, assert, and reinforce your request.
When emotions clash with reason, clarity feels impossible. In this episode, AJ and Johnny sit down with psychologists Dr. Shireen Rizvi and Dr. Jesse Finkelstein — coauthors of Real Skills for Real Life — to explore how Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) turns emotional chaos into calm, actionable wisdom. They break down DBT’s balance of change and acceptance, show how to identify “skills deficits” behind recurring struggles, and reveal why mindfulness and emotional awareness are the foundation of resilience.
You’ll learn how to use DBT’s practical frameworks — including the Wise Mind and DEAR MAN skills — to strengthen communication, build emotional regulation, and handle difficult conversations without losing self-respect. Whether you’re negotiating at work, managing conflict, or simply trying to understand yourself better, this conversation gives you a playbook for thinking clearly and acting with intention — even under pressure.
What to Listen For
[00:01:00] What DBT adds to traditional CBT — and why it works
[00:02:28] The balance between change and acceptance in personal growth
[00:05:06] Reframing emotional struggles as “skills deficits”
[00:07:02] Breaking emotional loops and rewriting your story
[00:10:28] Understanding “Wise Mind” — integrating logic and emotion
[00:16:33] How emotion is data — not distraction
[00:20:12] Using mindfulness to expand your perspective and reduce suffering
[00:26:42] Building confidence through mastery and self-compassion
[00:31:28] DBT frameworks for clarity in high-stakes conversations
[00:33:46] Using DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST to communicate effectively
[00:49:22] How self-respect, values, and truth create lasting confidence
A Word From Our Sponsors
Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at unlockyourxfactor.com
The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the artofcharm.com/intel for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back.
If you’ve put off organizing your finances, Monarch is for you. Use code CHARM at monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year.
Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.
Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at makeheadway.com/CHARM and use my code CHARM for 25% off.
Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.
Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.
This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/charm
Save more than fifty percent on term life insurance at SELECTQUOTE.COM/CHARM TODAY to get started
Curious about your influence level?
Get your Influence Index Score today!
Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.
Episode resources:
Real Skills for Real Life: A DBT Guide to Navigating Stress, Emotions, and Relationships
Check in with AJ and Johnny!
AJ on LinkedIn
Johnny on LinkedIn
AJ on Instagram
Johnny on Instagram
The Art of Charm on Instagram
The Art of Charm on YouTube
The Art of Charm on TikTok
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The AI-powered Podcast Player
