Balancing structure and authentic connection

Content note: This episode includes frank discussion of sex, pornography, and religious control.

Author Ben Crawford spent decades inside a tight church network where life, money, and meaning were all centralized. When he started sharing his life on YouTube and telling the truth in 12-step rooms, the system pushed back. He lost community, business ties, and friends. He also found something bigger: a voice, a marriage that’s alive, and a way of connecting that doesn’t hide behind ideas. This is a conversation about escaping control, learning vulnerability, and why honesty beats “accountability” every time.

Topics we cover

• Preaching vs sharing: why ideas felt safe and intimacy didn’t

• The men’s “accountability” script and why it blocks connection

• What 12-step groups modeled: clear truth, no fixing, real safety

• The “cult continuum” and how control shows up in everyday church life

• Grading communities by behavior, not labels

• Choosing where to be authentic and where to hold boundaries

• Ben’s love story with Cami and the surprising payoff of telling the truth
  

Why listen

If you’ve felt the gap between what your community promised and what it delivered, or if you’ve tried to change people with ideas and missed the chance to actually bond, this episode gives language and practices for a different way forward.

About Ben

Ben Crawford is the author of the bestselling 2000 Miles Together: The Story of the Largest Family to Hike the Appalachian Trail and has been featured on Good Morning America and NPR’s This American Life. Formerly entrenched in fundamentalist religion and once at the helm of one of the world’s largest blackjack teams (profiled in the documentary Holy Rollers: The True Story of Card Counting Christians), Ben brings a singular perspective to faith, risk, and reinvention. Retired in his 30s, he’s a prolific YouTuber with 1,000+ uploads, and he now finds joy in poker and marathon running—with his six kids often along for the mile markers.

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