Common repeating dating patterns

EPISODE SUMMARY

In this episode, Emily sits down with Amy Chan—founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp and author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart—to explore why we keep choosing the wrong partners and how to break the cycle. Amy shares her revolutionary 12-person dating experiment that forces clients to date outside their type, revealing how our "type" isn't about physical traits but the emotional patterns we unconsciously repeat. From spotting unavailable partners to understanding the difference between passionate love and companionate love, this conversation reframes dating as a discovery process rather than a high-stakes audition. Amy breaks down why great daters often struggle in relationships, how to recognize your recurring emotional patterns, and why your best friend you want to make out with might be the person you've been overlooking all along.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Your "type" is an emotional pattern, not a physical one—by identifying the five main emotions from your last three relationships, you can spot the cycle you keep repeating (like anxiety from chasing unavailable partners) and consciously choose different experiences

• The dating experiment that rewires your brain—dating 12 people outside your type without getting into a relationship removes the pressure of finding "the one" and trains you to be present, recognize how you actually feel with someone, and notice who genuinely treats you well

• Why passionate love fades and what replaces it—the neurochemical high of early romance naturally transitions to companionate love, and understanding this shift helps you stop mistaking familiarity for incompatibility and start building the deeper intimacy that sustains long-term relationships

• The dating funnel approach—treating early dates like lead generation (just asking "Am I having fun? Do I want to see them again?") instead of evaluating someone as your future life partner eliminates job-interview energy and lets authentic connection emerge naturally

• Stop performing, start choosing—moving from "waiting to be chosen" to actively selecting partners based on how they make you feel (not just how they look on paper) puts you in control of your romantic life and attracts people who appreciate your authentic self

More Dr. Emily: 

• Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply).

• Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse.

• Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides.

• The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure

• Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website

• Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube

• Let’s text: Sign up here

• Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular.

This episode is sponsored by… 

Bellesa EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/emilymorse-podcast"

Bathmate- https://bathmatedirect.com/sexwithemily/v4/podcast

Timestamps: