95: The Secret to Happiness: The Courage to Be Disliked
Made You Think
The Importance of Unsolicited Feedback in Parenting
I don't think anybody likes being forced or told to do things. You can be a good example or you can just try to do your thing and hope that maybe they'll ask for help or something eventually. There are some situations like I'm thinking about this more from the work perspective, where if you've created a culture where it's like acceptable to push people then feedback could be taken better. It does feel like you have to do some sort of guiding and structuring.
“Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage. One might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy.”
Welcome back to another episode of Made You Think! This week, we're diving into The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. This book is full of wisdom, challenging you to free yourself from the expectations placed on you by others so you can achieve happiness.
We cover a wide range of topics including:
- Pledging loyalty to yourself
- How "Insta-therapy" can be simultaneously hurtful and helpful
- When not to give unsolicited advice
- Are all problems interpersonal problems?
- Having the courage to follow through on your ideas
And much more. Please enjoy, and make sure to follow Nat, Neil, and Adil on Twitter and share your thoughts on the episode.
Links from the Episode:
Mentioned in the Show:
- The End of Medicine (29:40)
- The Game Changers (29:48)
- What is a Spoonie? (38:40)
- Hurts So Good (40:36)
Books Mentioned:
- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (3:17) (Nat's Book Notes)
- How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World (10:19)
- Finite and Infinite Games (21:55) (Nat's Book Notes)
- King, Warrior, Magician, Lover (22:03)
- Antifragile (46:47) (Nat's Book Notes)
- Turning Pro (55:57) (Nat's Book Notes)
- Shadow Divers (56:54)
People Mentioned:
- Alfred Adler (5:38)
- Will Durant (10:03)
- Harry Browne (10:18)
- Nassim Taleb (46:26)
- Steven Pressfield (55:55)
Show Topics:
2:10) On today's episode, we're discussing The Courage to Be Disliked. Written by two Japanese authors, the book is a conversation between a German philosopher and a young man teaching that the past doesn’t control you, as you have ownership over your life and your actions.
(7:16) Insta-therapy; social media posts all about therapy and unpacking trauma. While it can be helpful and informational, there can be some downside to it, too. When it comes to therapy, there's a difference between unpacking your life and taking action on it.
(12:29) The book talks about lifestyles and how it's something that we can choose at any point in our life.
(15:17) Everything you experience is in context of other people. Separation of tasks: Don’t try to do somebody’s tasks for them.
"A parent suffering over the relationship with his or her child will tend to think, 'My child is my life.' In other words, the parent is taking on the child’s task as his or her own, and is no longer able to think about anything but the child. When at last the parent notices it, the ‘I’ is already gone from his or her life. However, no matter how much of the burden of the child’s task one carries, the child is still an independent individual."
(23:23) Unsolicited feedback. You can usually tell if someone’s feedback is sincere or if it's for their own benefit.
(29:54) Vegan diet vs. standard American diet, and how elimination diets are a way to see how your body reacts and what you’re sensitive to.
(34:15) Once we took lead out of gasoline, violent crime rates and other factors went down tremendously. The "Spoonie" community.
(40:46) When you identify with a group, you may tend to believe in all related ideas or beliefs in order to stay a part of that group, even if the ideas are questionable.
(42:54) The way the book frames ambition and how you shouldn’t be seeking recognition. By being ambitious, you can contribute to more people.
(45:27) Nat, Neil, and Adil discuss the title of the book and their interpretations of it. It’s impossible to get everyone like you. If you aren’t disliked, you’re restricting your behavior to receive a more favorable outcome, but are you really free?
(51:34) Pledging loyalty to yourself and recognizing that you can't please everybody.
(54:14) When you think you can’t do something, it’s often because you lack the courage to follow through on it. You can't fail if you don't start, and that can prevent you from taking action.
(56:34) That wraps up this episode! Next up, we'll be covering Country Driving by Peter Hessler so make sure to pick up a copy and read along with us before our next episode.
If you enjoyed this episode, let us know by leaving a review on iTunes and tell a friend. As always, let us know if you have any book recommendations! You can say hi to us on Twitter @TheRealNeilS, @adilmajid, @nateliason and share your thoughts on this episode.
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Thanks for listening. See you next time!
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