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S3E16 - 1st Page Feedback - Untitled by David

Death Of 1000 Cuts

CHAPTER

The Unmarked Police Issue Car

You're asking us to imagine this guy Sicking up honey into her ears like some deranged mother seagull or masculine. Instead of repeating information give us direct access to the words in question. Let us form our own judgments by hearing word for word what he says giving us dialogue. It's it's a thing that happens in books Stop doing all these fancy metaphors stop telling us how she feels and dramatize instead The Ford Crown Victoria blended into the ash gray of the winter striped countryside, you say. But then you go on to describe it in a completely different way in the next sentence as the unmarked police issue car weirdly. This I'm gonna show my ignorance here, but

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