I think sexual confidence is a look a pose a way of being and actually static yes an aesthetic everyone wants to look good while they're doing sex. For me it became about feeling this removal of self-judgment in my erotic experiences so I feel less worried about what I look like in bed. Start reading erotica start thinking about your masturbation fantasiesStart having conversations with your partners about their fantasies  this can help reduce the shame of asking for what we wantWe want the things that we want but there's all this noise around like you shouldn't like that or that makes you a slut, she says.