Why 'should' motivation fails

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Chapters 00:00 Introduction: Not Regulating for Regulation's Sake 01:30 ADHD Regulation Groups Are Open 03:00 Why "Should" Never Sustains Motivation 05:00 Push Motivators vs Pull Motivators 07:00 The Real Question: Do I Want a Regulated Life? 08:00 Benefit #1: Blood Flow Returns to Your Brain 08:30 Benefit #2: Executive Functioning Increases 09:00 Benefit #3: Symptoms Go Down 10:00 Benefit #4: More Sustainable and Consistent Living 14:00 Benefit #5: Enjoyment (The Biggest Motivator) 18:00 Recap: What Are You Pulled Towards?

Summary In this episode, I talk about why you shouldn't regulate just because you think you should - and what to focus on instead. I get comments saying "I know I should regulate but I don't know how" or "I should be working on it," and the key here is: regulation is not good or bad, you're not a bad person if you're dysregulated. If you're only doing it because you feel like you should, it's probably not going to end well. Just like exercise - if you're only doing it because you should, it won't stick. But if you genuinely want to feel good, strong, and have a more vibrant life, it's easier to keep up with. I break down why "shoulds" never sustain motivation - they're push motivators (running away from something) versus pull motivators (walking towards something you want). Push motivation works short-term but is unsustainable. Pull motivation keeps you going long-term. I share the 5 key benefits of ADHD regulation to help you connect with what you're actually pulled towards: (1) Blood flow returns to your prefrontal cortex so you can think clearly, (2) Executive functioning increases, (3) ADHD symptoms go down, (4) You can live in a more sustainable and consistent way instead of the frantic crash cycle, and (5) You actually enjoy your life. I share my real-life example: 7 years of being intense then doing nothing versus 2.5 years of showing up every day with no burnout in sight - less work, less stress, more productive. The real question isn't "should I regulate?" - it's "do I want a regulated life and everything that comes with that?"

Action Step This week, ask yourself: Am I trying to regulate because I think I should, or because I genuinely want what it gives me? Connect with your pull motivators, not push motivators. Do you want clearer thinking and lower symptoms? Do you want to live sustainably instead of frantically crashing? Do you want to enjoy your life while also being productive? Hold those desires in your mind. If you can't connect with those yet, that's okay - maybe you just know you don't want what you have now (paralysis, brain fog, frantic energy). That's enough to start walking forward. But don't try to force yourself with "should" - that's a recipe for dysregulation.

Takeaways

• Regulation is not good or bad - don't do it just because you think you should, that's a recipe for dysregulation and will never sustain motivation
• "Shoulds" are push motivators (running away from something) which work short-term but are unsustainable - pull motivators (walking towards something you want) keep you going long-term
• 5 key benefits of ADHD regulation: blood flow returns to brain for clearer thinking, executive functioning increases, symptoms go down, sustainable consistent living instead of frantic crash cycle, and enjoyment of life
• The frantic crash cycle is not your natural state - it's you in panic mode and dysregulation, so working on sustainability isn't going against who you are
• You can have both productivity AND enjoyment - with regulation you get more productive, less stressed, and enjoy life more (not one or the other)

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