External vs internal regulation

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Chapters 00:00 Introduction: How to Regulate For Real 01:00 Why Tips and Tricks Don't Actually Work 03:00 External vs Internal Regulation 05:00 Regulation Through Avoidance Isn't Real Regulation 07:00 Layer One: The Body (Nervous System Regulation) 09:00 Layer Two: The Mind (Thought and Belief Regulation) 11:00 Layer Three: Behavior (Balanced Action) 15:00 Why People Think Regulation Doesn't Work 18:00 You Don't Have to Do It Perfectly 20:00 What Real Change Looks Like 23:00 Start With the Foundation: Your Nervous System

Summary In this episode, I break down how to actually regulate for real - not with tips, tricks, or surface-level ADHD coping strategies, but with deep, internal work that changes how you function. If you've ever felt frustrated by hearing "just regulate" without knowing what that actually means, or if you've tried breathing exercises and meditation but nothing has fundamentally changed, this episode is for you. I explain why ADHD regulation has been oversimplified by wellness culture into surface-level fixes like bubble baths and rigid routines, and why that approach doesn't create lasting change. Real regulation is internal, not external - it's not about what you do, it's about how you do it. I walk through the three layers of the ADHD regulation method: body (nervous system regulation where you teach your body it's safe), mind (rewiring fear-based beliefs formed in survival mode), and behavior (shifting from extreme all-or-nothing patterns to balanced, sustainable action). I also address why people think regulation doesn't work - expecting instant results instead of gradual re-patterning, confusing calming down with becoming regulated, or stopping at just the nervous system piece without doing the thought and behavior work. This is not a quick fix. It takes time and repetition, just like going to the gym. But the time will pass anyway, and in a year you can either have an entirely new experience of life or continue the dysregulation cycle. I share my own journey and what regulation has done for my daily life, and give you the foundation to start with.

Action Step This week, start with the foundation: nervous system regulation. Throughout your day, notice the physical sensations telling you you're dysregulated - tense shoulders around your ears, holding your breath or shallow breathing, rushing around, or sitting in overwhelm and paralysis. When you catch yourself, interrupt it: slow down your walking, drop your shoulders, take a deep breath. You're "pretending" to be a regulated person (someone not being chased by a bear), and over time your nervous system will start to believe it's true. Don't expect one deep breath to fix everything - it's about repeatedly interrupting the pattern. Remember: to sleep, we first have to pretend to sleep. Same with regulation.

Takeaways

• Real regulation is internal, not external - it's not about bubble baths, rigid routines, or perfect habits, it's about retraining your nervous system, thoughts, and behavior from the inside out
• The three layers of ADHD regulation: body (teaching your nervous system you're safe), mind (rewiring fear-based beliefs like "I'm behind, I need to catch up"), and behavior (shifting from extreme all-or-nothing to balanced, consistent action)
• External regulation (organizing your space, doing yoga, strict routines) is like sprinkles on icing - helpful but not the meat of the work
• Regulation takes time and repetition, just like building muscle at the gym - one deep breath won't regulate you, just like one workout won't make you fit
• You can only regulate in the present moment, and there's only ever one thing to do - interrupt the pattern when you notice it, then do it again, and again

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