382: Ian Kerner | She Comes First
The Art of Charm
The Role of Variety in Sexual Arousal
I'm always shocked how couples don't really share their fantasies with each other. And I think that that is such an important part of arousal. When it just becomes about the physical scripts, there's no mental energy being invested into it. If you're not bringing that mental arousal into the relationship, that's when a sex life really starts to go dead.
Female sexuality is quite different than male sexuality. "For a woman to turn on parts of her brain need to turn off." -Ian Kerner The Cheat Sheet: Sexual attention deficit disorder: what is it and how does it relate to porn? Is Ian in favor of or against pornography? What is IELT and why does it matter? How often should couples have sex? What is the sex pyramid? And so much more... When it comes to sex do men think about it more than women - or is that just a myth? And if you're in a relationship how often should you be doing it, how often is healthy? These are just a few of the questions we answer on today's show. Joining us is sex and relationship expert and the best-selling author of several books including She Comes First, Ian Kerner. We talk about all of that and more on episode 382 of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: Sex is a crucial aspect of a romantic relationship, yet it's one of those areas most couples (and singles) don't have the vocabulary to talk about. Ian Kerner is a man on a mission to change that and he's written several New York Times best-selling books to do so, as well as work with clients in his private practice as a licensed marriage and family therapist. One of the first things we discuss today is the fact that male and female sexuality are different, despite the fact that our culture treats them the same. A guy typically only needs one sexual cue to get turned on. However a woman often needs multiple cues and her arousal is much more context-oriented. What that means is a woman often needs a safe, comfortable and secure environment without distractions in order to be fully ready for sex and orgasms. In fact, functional MRI scans have shown that certain parts of a woman's brain actually dim during arousal, the parts associated with stress, anxiety and high emotion. So arousal cues different, but do men really think about sex more than women? Not as much as you might believe. Studies of college students have shown that men only think about sex 17-20 times a day while women think about it around 10 times a day. So yes men think about it more, but not that much more. And once you're in a sexually active relationship, how often should you be doing it? Ian recommends at least once a week to keep the connection there and to keep that sexual chemistry in the air. He also recommends using his sex pyramid to keep a good balance of familiarity and novelty to keep your sexual life healthy. The sex pyramid is grouped into multiple types of sex from romantic love-making to fantasy sex to sensual sex. Ian gives us the full details of how to blend those sex groups on today's show! We also talk about how to use porn in a healthy way, how to deal with premature ejaculation and much more. Listen in and enjoy! Special thanks to Ian for being here, and thanks to you as well. We'll see you next time on The Art of Charm. THANKS IAN KERNER! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Ian know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Ian on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Ian Kerner's web siteShe Comes First, by Ian Kerner 52 Weeks of Amazing Sex, by Ian Kerner Good In Bed Ian Kerner on Twitter The Art of Charm bootcamps You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!
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