Grieving the Losses of Schizophrenia

Living with a diagnosis of schizophrenia means that you and those around you will experience multiple losses as you navigate the disorder. It can take away relationships, employment, education, performance, independence, and sense of self.   

Will I keep getting worse? 

What happens if I have another psychotic episode? 

What will my life look like in 10 years? 

What if I can’t take care of myself? 

It’s normal to grieve the life you or a loved one lost to schizophrenia. But, what does that grief look like and how do you keep going? 

Host Rachel Star Withers, a diagnosed schizophrenic, and co-host Gabe Howard explore grieving the life you lost due to schizophrenia in this episode of Inside Schizophrenia. 

Guest Paulie VonEdWærd-Benjamin, owner of Earth Star, Heart Root, specializing in holistic, soulful, metaphysical self-healing, joins to share how their life has changed multiple times through living with schizophrenia and how they keep going.  

To learn more -- or read the transcript -- visit the official episode page.

Guest Bio & Host Bios:

My name is Paul VonEdWærd-Benjamin. It is a great honor for us to have this opportunity to tell you a bit of our story so we can help people like ourself with mental conditions, illnesses, and diseases of the brain — and the mind.

We see our diagnoses as very good things. They helped set us on a path that was much easier to tread and see and feel toward who We are today. We are stronger because of the knowledge of our symptoms and suffering, not in spite of them. We’ve chosen not to ignore negativity nor pretend it doesn’t exist, but to make it something We and We alone perceive to be positive.

An example is when We hallucinate sights, sounds, and intentions (sometimes called “thought insertion”). In the past, these things would scare me. Examples: That person winked at me — why? The song on the radio is intended to convey some special meaning just for me — what is it? I heard a whisper that what I was just thinking about is a good idea — who said that?  

Now, instead of fright born of surprise and confusion, We’ve trained ourself to see, listen, and pay attention to these things — and then let them go. Perhaps that person did wink, but they’re 50 feet away from me, we’re in a crowded room, they’re talking to other folks, and there’s a fan blowing on them. Perhaps that song resonates with me in a good way, helping give me perspective I haven’t had before. Perhaps someone did just whisper, but my mind heard what it wanted to — or maybe it was just the wind after all!

Get it out in the sunshine and let’s reveal our shadows together so we can *all* heal. That is the purpose We feel driven toward. And have some fun with it!

Our host, Rachel Star Withers creates videos documenting her schizophrenia, ways to manage and let others like her know they are not alone and can still live an amazing life. She has written Lil Broken Star: Understanding Schizophrenia for Kids and a tool for schizophrenics, To See in the Dark: Hallucination and Delusion Journal. Fun Fact: She has wrestled alligators.

To learn more about Rachel, please visit her website, RachelStarLive.comm.

Our co-host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, "Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations," available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author.

Gabe makes his home in the suburbs of Columbus, Ohio. He lives with his supportive wife, Kendall, and a Miniature Schnauzer dog that he never wanted, but now can’t imagine life without. To learn more about Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

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