Dealing with a Hostile Ex as a Stepmom

Navigating Complex Relationships: From Personal Transformation to Step-Family Dynamics

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore two compelling listener questions involving relationship challenges and personal growth. This episode provides valuable insights for anyone dealing with complex interpersonal dynamics or seeking lasting behavioral change.

Understanding Personal Transformation and High-Conflict Relationships

The episode examines how individuals can create meaningful change in their lives through skill development and self-awareness. The hosts discuss practical approaches for managing challenging relationships, particularly in blended family situations where communication difficulties arise between step-parents and biological parents.

Questions Addressed in This Episode:

• How can someone break long-standing behavioral patterns?
• What role do skills like flexible thinking and emotional management play in personal change?
• How can step-parents navigate challenging relationships with their partner's ex?
• What communication strategies work best when dealing with hostile messages?
• How can someone maintain boundaries while keeping communications focused on children?

Key Takeaways:

1. Change is possible through developing specific skills: flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior, and self-checking
2. Creating new behavioral patterns rather than trying to eliminate old ones
3. The value of "extinction" in managing difficult communications
4. Importance of responding only to relevant information in hostile messages
5. Understanding that others' hostile behavior reflects their operating system, not personal failing

The hosts emphasize the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm) as a cornerstone communication strategy, along with other practical approaches such as focusing on logistics and future-oriented communications, maintaining boundaries while staying civil, recognizing when non-response is the best response, and separating emotional content from necessary information. These tools provide actionable approaches for anyone seeking to improve challenging relationships or create lasting personal change, while emphasizing the importance of skill development and consistent practice.

Additional Resources

Expert Publications

• Book (pre-orders being taken - publishing November 2025): SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps
• Book: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life

Personal Transformation

• Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyone
• New Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching)
• 1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)

Professional Development

• Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)

Connect With Us

• Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
• Submit questions for Bill and Megan
• Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
• Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (00:41) - Listener Question #1
• (11:16) - Listener Question #2
• (28:52) - Reminders