Imposing Consequences in the Heat of the Moment

In the heat of the moment, it's difficult for me to distinguish between setting limits and retaliating. Most kids want to be heard, not then they'd like to win. So you have to offer them what? What is he going to get? Because just giving him a consequence, i i's going to be perceived as a punishment. And no, it's on ell. You hurt me, i'm going to hurt you even worse. The kid quickly becomes shimmin at the icus, and the kid becomes intolerable. Wat wonder, where do we set the bar?