Psychologist Angela Neil Barnett has an exercise which is very similar to what you just said. And she calls it the so what chorus and asking so what is a great trick. It's like another layer of protection. But the truth is, and what you just referenced that Dale Carnegie prescribes also is really, really cognitive behavioral therapy 101.
Morra Aarons-Mele: The Anxious Achiever
Morra Aarons-Mele is the host of The Anxious Achiever, a top-10 management podcast that helps people rethink the relationship between their mental health and their leadership. Morra founded Women Online and The Mission List, an award-winning digital-consulting firm and influencer marketing company dedicated to social change, in 2010 and sold her business in 2021.
She helped Hillary Clinton log on for her first internet chat and has launched digital campaigns for President Obama, Malala Yousafzai, the United Nations, the CDC, and many other leading figures and organizations. She is the author of The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears into Your Leadership Superpower*.
In this conversation, Morra and I discuss some key tactics that help leaders release just a bit of control. Since control is often driven by fear, we can let go of some control by making small shifts in our practices, awareness, and planning. We also explore how to set boundaries that will help us lead in ways that are more helpful to others — and ourselves.
Key Points
Control is often caused by fear. Optimism can be a bit of an antidote to it.
Adopt a practice mindset by making small shifts to endure uncomfortable things.
Practice open awareness throughs surrender; the opposite of controlling and micromanaging.
Get clear on scheduling, deadlines, longer term career goals. Those provide a healthy illusion of control.
Create a distinction between having an emotion and being the emotion.
Begin setting boundaries by noticing when you are moving from comfort to discomfort.
Resources Mentioned
The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears into Your Leadership Superpower* by Morra Aarons-Mele
The Anxious Achiever podcast
Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes
Four Steps to Get Unstuck and Embrace Change, with Susan David (episode 297)
Effective Delegation of Authority, with Hassan Osman (episode 413)
Align Your Calendar to What Matters, with Nir Eyal (episode 431)
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