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Are You a Brave Soul?
People often only change through calamitous events bankruptcy, near death experiences, breakups, these sorts of divorces. And so it kind of sounds like you courted that in some ways intentionally. As Charles Eisenstein would say too, and he sees someone I've seen him say to people, if they're really depressed or they've done things like this, it's like you're a brave soul. "I hope we don't need to go bankrupt as a planet"