Why We Struggle to Self-Tender

Welcome to a new episode of The Way Out Is In: The Zen Art of Living, a podcast series mirroring Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s deep teachings of Buddhist philosophy: a simple yet profound methodology for dealing with our suffering, and for creating more happiness and joy in our lives.

In this installment, Zen Buddhist monk Brother Phap Huu and leadership coach Jo Confino explore the lifelong journey of self-forgiveness and how to forgive ourselves. How do we find the capacity to let go of past hurts and come into the fullness of our lives? 

The conversation also touches upon themes like self-love, self-compassion, community, spiritual growth, impermanence, the coexistence of suffering and happiness, and the importance of ongoing practice. 

Brother Phap Huu discusses the Buddhist perspective of the Dharma threading through time, embracing past, present, and future; how loving oneself begins with recognizing and accepting one’s stories and scars; the importance of treating oneself with kindness and compassion; acknowledging unskillful actions; practicing with the inner child; and much more. 

In addition, personal stories shared by the presenters illustrate how forgiveness and self-love evolve over time, and that forgiving oneself is vital for genuine compassion and service.

The episode concludes with aspirations for the new year. 

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Co-produced by the Plum Village App:
https://plumvillage.app/ 

And Global Optimism:
https://globaloptimism.com/

With support from the Thich Nhat Hanh Foundation:
https://thichnhathanhfoundation.org/

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List of resources

Pilgrimage: ‘In the Footsteps of the Buddha’
https://plumvillage.org/event/pilgrimage/in-the-footsteps-of-the-buddha-2

Being with Busyness: Zen Ways to Transform Overwhelm and Burnout
https://www.parallax.org/product/being-with-busyness/   

Calm in the Storm: Zen Ways to Cultivate Stability in an Anxious World
https://www.parallax.org/product/calm-in-the-storm/ 

Interbeing
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interbeing  

The Way Out Is In: ‘Healing Our Inner Child: Pathways to Embrace Our Suffering (Episode #10)’
https://plumvillage.org/podcast/healing-our-inner-child-pathways-to-embrace-our-suffering 

The Way Out Is In: ‘The Three Jewels (Episode #89)’
https://plumvillage.org/podcast/the-three-jewels-episode-89 

‘Looking Deeply: Healing the Inner Child’
https://plumvillage.org/articles/healing-the-inner-child

The Inner Child (short guided meditation)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zauJYihF2fQ    

Dharma Talks: ‘Taking Refuge in the Three Jewels’
https://plumvillage.org/library/dharma-talks/taking-refuge-in-the-three-jewels-sr-chan-duc-spring-retreat-2018-05-20 

John Bradshaw
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Bradshaw_(author) 

Sutras: ‘Discourse on Knowing the Better Way to Live Alone’
https://plumvillage.org/library/sutras/discourse-on-knowing-the-better-way-to-live-alone 

The Order of Interbeing
https://plumvillage.org/community/order-of-interbeing 

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Quotes

“What we have learned in the art of mindful living and the art of love and understanding is that we are ever-changing. We’re constantly changing. The Buddha has said that we cannot bathe in the same river twice. When we bathe in that river, the river is not the same and we are not the same.”

“The Buddha says that suffering is made of non-suffering elements – and that means you have happiness inside.” 

“What I’ve learned from my journey is that healing is always a verb.”

“There is no way to healing; healing is the way.”

“Our practice of listening is very important. When we say we have to learn to listen, listen not to respond, but just to listen. Listen to acknowledge, accept, and witness.”

“It’s important to be in the present moment, but it’s also important to have an aspiration to bring into the present moment – not to see in the future, but to see coming alive right now.”