The Secret Police Warns Citizens That Antiques Are Wild Animals

The secret police warn citizens that antiques are wild animals, and while generally friendly, their behaviour can be unpredictable. If you see an antique, do not approach it. Simply put your hands over your chest, scream, we're all about to be eaten and run blindly away. It's possible this may cause the antique to instinctually go into hunting behavior and chase you. We didn't bother to check. Was there something stopping you from doing this research? The sheriff's secret police concluded, before shaking their heads and melting back into the walls.