Faux Connection and Its Cost

Fawn is a nervous system survival strategy, not a personality flaw. It helps you keep connection and avoid threat by overriding your needs, smiling through discomfort, and saying yes when you want to say no. In this episode of Trauma Rewired, Elisabeth Kristof and Jennifer Wallace unpack how fawn forms around attachment and safety, why it shows up in daily life and in sex, and how to gently rebuild self trust.

You will learn to notice gut and throat signals that precede a reflexive yes, set small boundaries without collapse, and grow capacity to feel both the difficult and the good, so connection can be real, not a performance.

Topics Discussed in This Episode:

• Rebuilding trust with the body – learning to honor yes/no signals, expanding capacity for both positive and negative feelings.

• Definition of the fawn trauma response – people pleasing, keeping peace, self-abandonment to preserve attachment.

• Nervous system mechanisms – how fawn is not just psychological but a survival adaptation deeply wired into the body.

• Everyday patterns of fawning – saying yes when you want to say no, constant smiling, hugging, avoiding conflict, relational perfectionism.

• Impact on relationships – depletion, shame, freeze states, loss of authenticity, confusing real connection with trauma responses.

• Attachment vs authenticity (Gabor Maté concept) – how children often sacrifice authenticity to maintain attachment.

• Personal trauma story (kidnapping experience) – how fawn played a role in survival and how fight/flight responses eventually emerged.

• Sexual fawning – difficulties with consent, disconnect between cognitive yes and bodily no, patterns of unsafe or unwanted intimacy.

• Healing practices – developing awareness of body signals, small boundary setting, self-compassion, nervous system regulation, emotional release practices.

• Outcome of healing – creating genuine connection with self, others, and the environment rather than survival-based attachment.

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