4min chapter

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The Power of Family Stories

Hidden Brain

CHAPTER

Transgression Stories: Bridging Generations

This chapter explores the significance of parents sharing their own transgression stories with their children to foster understanding and validation. It also emphasizes the emotional power of physical keepsakes, particularly an engagement ring, in preserving family narratives and maintaining connections across generations.

00:00
Speaker 1
We will get through this
Speaker 2
You say that it's really valuable for parents to share stories of their own transgressions with their children. What are these transgression stories and why are they important to share?
Speaker 1
Transgression stories are stories that really challenge our sense of who we are. We did something that we're ashamed of, not proud of, we feel guilty about. We hurt somebody or did something wrong. And we all do it. I hopefully in our lives, small transgressions. We lie, we cheat. Maybe we do a little bit of stealing or we betray a trust. We break a promise. So for example, we're working with adolescents. So the stories that the parents tell, the transgressions are minor. They cheated on an exam. I'm relatively minor. A lot of them are about lying to their parent or sneaking out. I think sometimes adolescents and young adults think that their parents don't understand what it is to go through teenage angst, don't understand what it is to be angry or dark or moody. But in fact, we all have those memories. And it's one thing to say, oh, yes, I felt like that too when I was your age. I think it's another thing when you tell a story like this, it gives it a texture, a reality. It's like, you really were a brat. Wow, you do get it. You get who I am. You get what I'm feeling.
Speaker 2
You also say that collecting and saving physical objects can also keep family stories alive. Robin, you treasure an object that connects you to a woman whom you've never met, named Annie Lester. What is this object, and who was Annie Lester? The
Speaker 1
object is a diamond engagement ring. So when I married my husband, unfortunately, both of his parents died relatively young, and he neither was alive when I met him. So I never had the opportunity to meet either one of them. But when we got married, he was able to give me his mother's ring. His mother's name was Annie Lester. And he has a fairly large and very good storytelling family. So I have been enmeshed in stories about Paul, his father, and Annie Lester, his mother, and everybody has these fabulous stories. But I never got a chance to meet them. But through this ring, I feel connected to his mother. And his mother was, she was a wisp of a woman who was a force of nature. She also was very wild in her teenage years, settled down, and was just fiercely loyal to her family. And anybody who did any kind of threatened harm to her family got a lesson from Annie Lester. She had a sharp tongue and wasn't afraid to use it. She was stubborn, but unbelievably loving. And I just love those characteristics. So I feel connected to her, even though I've never met her. Stories carry a connection, even when that person is no longer there. And that connection, for me, with Annie Lester, a connection of love and compassion so that I can still feel that love and compassion even when the person is no longer there.

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