The Boundaries of Curiosity

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"I think it can be interesting to divide things up into sort of sometimes I call it like a red light, yellow light, green light. So the green lights are, you know, I'm always good to go. This thing is always on the table for me," she says. "The red lights are the obvious like, nope, that's a hard no for me." And then the yellows are where it gets really interesting: Maybe this is something that for me personally I'm not interested in, but maybe if I had a partner that was really into it, I'd be willing to consider it for them".

Sex and relationship expert Vanessa Marin discusses the taboo nature of discussing sex and how it can lead to unmet needs and dissatisfaction in relationships. Her new book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, provides practical exercises and dialogue prompts to improve communication around intimacy, breaking down shame and stigma. Through open discussions on touchy subjects and setting rituals for intimacy, Marin believes couples can foster deeper connection, igniting intimacy and enhancing their love lives.

Many people struggle to openly discuss sex due to shame and stigma.
Open communication about sex and intimacy is important for a healthy relationship.
Vanessa recommends five core conversations: acknowledgment, connection, desire, pleasure, and exploration.
She provides practical methods to make these conversations easier.
Rituals like makeout routines can create intimacy
Understanding one's desires, boundaries, and pleasures enables satisfying communication.
Giving positive feedback during sex helps partners figure out each other's pleasures.
Scheduling sex demonstrates priorities but reframing as "planning" can help.

You can find Vanessa at: Website | Instagram

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