The Science of Attachment

So much research and time and thought goes into romantic love. But what about platonic love – aka friendship? I loved Marisa Franco’s new book entitled Platonic and this interview is one of my favorites. I especially honor when she describes  friendships as being the relationships that are the steadiest your entire life. What you’re about to listen to is our conversation, with real, tangible, pragmatic steps to make friends and keep them. So if you struggle with that, this episode is for you! Or if you need reminding of how to maintain those friendships you enjoy, there's great advice there as well.

Here are three tips she offers and you can hear how grounded they are in reality:

• Initiate; don't wait for friendships – they don’t happen organically. You have to actively look for friends. They're not going to show up on your doorstep. Maybe you make them at work or at school. But other than that, you need to be on the lookout.
• Assume people like you. This may seem cocky but not really. Assuming you're liked gives you confidence and you're more likely to focus on letting others know what you like about them. Research calls this "the acceptance prophecy" and it works!
• You can’t just show up once; join a community that meets regularly. She calls this "the exposure effect" - you're more likely to make friends when you show up in each other's lives on a regular basis. And if the meeting is about something you're truly interested in, then that helps as well.

Vital Links:

 Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep--Friends: - order her book today!

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My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!