How to Write a Great Opening Scene

It's obvious that you're having fun writing this opening scene. I don't want to swoop in like a comudgingly buzzard and start tearing apart its carcass, squawking about efficiency and narrative driving. It doesn't make us regret the fact that we're reading it in a novel, not seeing it in a movie. This is exactly the kind of shit I pull all the time and I need to fucking stop. If you'd like to show me some love by my novel, the honours, it's very different to what you might expect if you've listened to me swearing on this podcast. But it's still good. Until next time, may your bathroom runn