Ever tried giving someone feedback about their tone…without sounding like the tone police? This episode was sparked by a listener wrestling with just that—and let’s be real, it’s something we’ve all tripped over. Join Kim and Jason as they dive into the messy, nuanced world of tone: why it matters, how to talk about it without getting judgmental, and what to do when someone’s words are technically fine but their delivery leaves the room on edge. Using the CORE framework—Context, Observation, Result, and Expected next steps—they break down how to be specific about what happened, how it landed, and how to move forward without sounding accusatory or vague. Tune in to hear Kim and Jason unpack real-life examples, share the coaching that worked (and what didn’t), and explore how bias, culture, and identity play into how tone is received. Bonus: Kim gets personal about a recent experience that reminded her why kindness and courage matter—on and off the mic.
Get all of the show notes at RadicalCandor.com/podcast.
Episode Links
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Chapters:
(00:00:00) Introduction
Kim and Jason introduce a listener’s question about addressing tone with CORE.
(00:02:51) When “Technically Fine” Still Feels Off
How misinterpretations and sensitivities around tone impact teams.
(00:03:54) Observing vs. Interpreting Tone
Avoiding misattributions by observing, not just interpreting.
(00:06:39) Shifting from “You Statements” to “I Statements”
Using reactions to provide grounded, less judgmental feedback.
(00:07:30) Using Impact to Shift Perspective
How describing the impact of tone keeps the conversation constructive.
(00:08:51) Coaching Through Goals, Not Emotions
A story about using feedback to overcome sounding arrogant.
(00:11:42) Reframing CORE to Match Your Audience
Using CORE to focus on tangible outcomes, not just feelings.
(00:13:57) What Not to Do: Avoiding Coded Language
The biased undertones certain words like "shrill" or "aggressive" carry.
(00:16:22) Be Specific: Volume, Pace, Tension
Being specific when giving feedback about tone delivery.
(00:18:00) Extending Grace
Giving the benefit of the doubt when something lands poorly.
(00:20:10) Praise When They Get It Right
The positive impact of giving feedback when tone lands well.
(00:22:03) Handling Tone in Public Meetings
When to react in real time and when it’s better to follow up privately.
(00:24:16) Breaking the False Harmony in the Room
A story about addressing passive-aggressive tension in a meeting.
(00:27:43) Private Inquiry or Public Repair
A story about how Google’s CEO gracefully handled a tone misstep.
(00:29:41) Radical Candor Tips
Practical tips on how to give feedback on tone.
(00:31:27) ICE Deportation & Bearing Witness
A story about a beloved community member deported by ICE.
(00:34:25) The Danger of Secret Cruelty
The dehumanization of silent suffering and concealed harm.
(00:37:05) This Isn’t a One-Off: It’s Systemic
Broader systemic issues and how routine cruelty has become normalized.
(00:39:49) There’s Still Hope: Do the Right Thing
The Radical Candor mission to care personally and challenge directly.
(00:41:16) Conclusion
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