Choosing a Spouse: Like Being Together Over Just Attraction

🍕🤼‍♂️ Pizza nights. Wrestling matches. Honest talks about sex, phones, and finding the right wife.

✅ Why Tuesday wrestling nights built more than just muscle ✅ The 18th birthday dinner where 4 friends said the exact same thing (and it wasn't planned) ✅ How to talk about sex early and often without shame ✅ Why delaying phones until driving age might be the move ✅ The story of the Sons of Korah and rewriting your family legacy

SUMMARY What does it look like to raise teenage boys who become strong men of character? In this episode, Carl Cartee—songwriter, speaker, and dad of four sons—shares how weekly wrestling nights, honest sex talks, and delayed technology built a foundation of trust in his home. You'll hear the story of his son's 18th birthday dinner where four friends said the same surprising thing, why he wishes someone had told him about choosing a spouse differently, and how the Sons of Korah can change your entire perspective on fatherhood legacy.

TAKEAWAYS

• Wrestling nights and messy pizza-making weren't just fun—they were intentional time in your presence that builds connection and dignity in your sons.
• The simplicity of being invited into God's work as a father takes the pressure off perfection and puts the focus on faithfulness.
• Early and often conversations about sex, desire, and God's design create safety and health instead of shame and secrecy.
• Choosing a spouse isn't just about attraction at 25—it's about finding someone you genuinely like being with through every season of life.
• Your family legacy isn't determined by what you inherited from your fathers—through Christ, you're rewriting the story for your kids.

GUEST

Carl Cartee is a songwriter, speaker, and worship leader from Franklin, Tennessee. He's written over 150 songs for artists including Elevation Worship and Oak Ridge Boys. Carl and his wife, Heather, host the podcast "Married to Someone Who's Nothing Like You" and are passionate about helping marriages thrive. They have four sons ranging from 14 to 19 years old. Carl loves creativity, adventure, and pointing people to Jesus through music, art, and authentic conversation.

TOP QUOTES

• "God has dignified me by inviting me into His work through my sons. If it turns out great, awesome. But even if there are no guarantees these boys go up and to the right for the rest of their life, I cherish being invited in."
• "Together is better—not just in the great times, but when you feel shame, when you didn't score any points. There's a different outcome when you do that alone versus when you do it with somebody who's there for you on the mountaintop or in the valley."
• "Don't marry somebody that you necessarily think is sexy right now. Look for somebody that you like being with. Because when it comes to seasons of life and circumstances throughout the course of a marriage, you might be married to two or three different women."
• "Shame as a young man was an absolute killer. It was an absolute destroyer of relational connection and intimacy. When the boys bring their struggles to us instead of harboring that shame, it speaks of health in that area."
• "No matter what heritage you have, if God is your refuge and strength, there is nothing from your past, nothing from the generations before you that you cannot undo through the power of worship and trusting in the Lord. You are rewriting legacy."