Stephanie Coontz: Death is a kind of letting go, and it's easier to let go when you take the time to consider who this person was. We can live our entire lives hating people, ignoring them, not being a good friend to them, she says. But then we can spend our entire lives loving people, enjoying their company,. And then we miss the funeral because of some kind of unforeseen circumstance that makes us feel terrible as if we fell them.

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