Attachment Patterns in the Bedroom

In this interview, Lisa and Silvina discuss their path to sex therapy, both being couples therapists trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. At their weekend Hold Me Tight Workshops for couples, there was never enough time after all the relational work to delve deeply enough into the couple’s sexual relationship; so they dove into deep study over several years and developed an integrative approach, blending the best of sex therapy techniques and the process orientation and attachment focus of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). In the interview, they discuss the relationship between attachment and sex in a couple’s relationship, and how physical connection is so essential to attachment, citing Harlow’s research with the “cloth mother” monkeys as but one example. I invite them to share more about several of the key concepts they cover in their workshop for clinicians, Integrating Sex and Sexuality in EFT Couples’ Work. We discuss the groundbreaking work of Emily Nagosky, who has made accessible to everyone such key concepts as the Dual Control Model of Sexual Response, responsive desire and newer versions of the Sexual Response Cycle model that allow so many more options for couples. They discuss how for many therapists, couples therapy and sex therapy are disconnected, but how powerful the integration of the two can be. We discuss how they use sex therapy behavioral interventions, such as a variety of touch exercises, and process these experiences with the couples through the EFT lens to understand the blocks that get in the way. This integration of an experiential, process-oriented therapy, and behavioral interventions from sex therapy, through an attachment lens helps bridge the divide between couples therapy and sex therapy. Silvina Irwin, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, and ICEEFT Certified Trainer and Supervisor in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Under the mentorship of Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, Silvina offers trainings in LA and other select US and International areas. She is co-founder of the EFT Resource Center in Pasadena, CA, which provides EFT psychotherapy services to the community and offers training and supervision to therapists in Emotionally Focused Therapy. In her psychotherapy practice, Dr. Irwin specializes in working with survivors of trauma and relationship distress. In addition, Dr. Irwin has developed and facilitated workshops for couples who want to deepen and enrich their sexual connection. Dr. Irwin also leads consultation groups with her close colleague Dr. Lisa Blum for mental health professionals all over the country who are refining their skills in integrating sexuality into their couples’ therapy work. Dr. Irwin also offers master classes on working with trauma in couples therapy, and workshops on Vicarious Trauma of therapists, first responders, and the legal and medical community. To learn more about Dr. Irwin, please visit www.drsilvinairwin.com or www.EFTResourceCenter.com. Lisa Blum, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in promoting healthy couple and family relationships through an attachment lens. Dr. Blum is an ICEEFT-Certified Supervisor and Therapist in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), one of the few research-validated therapies for helping couples and families strengthen relationships and build stronger connections. Dr. Blum is a Co-Founder of the EFT Resource Center in Pasadena, a group private practice, where her work includes individual, couples, and family therapy, and supervision, training, and public speaking on family, marital, and parenting issues. Dr. Blum works with both gay, lesbian, queer and straight individuals and couples, and with adults forming families in novel and creative ways. Since the beginning of her career, Dr. Blum has been involved in teaching, research, and practice in the field of sexuality, and currently co-facilitates weekend workshops for couples who want to deepen and enrich their sexual connection. In addition, Dr. Blum and her close colleague Dr. Silvina Irwin lead seminars and consultation groups for mental health professionals who are refining their skills in integrating sexuality into their couples’ therapy work. To learn more about Dr. Blum, please visit www.drlisablum.com, and www.EFTResourceCenter.com.