264 - Getting to Yes with Yourself: The Art of Inner Negotiation
Start with Small Steps
Go to the Balcony for Perspective
Jill describes Ury's 'balcony' metaphor to step back and see the real problem behind surface wants.
Getting to Yes with Yourself: The Art of Inner Negotiation
In this episode, we explore one of the most underrated yet powerful skills in personal growth: learning how to negotiate with yourself. Drawing inspiration from William Ury’s book Getting to Yes with Yourself, we unpack the internal barriers that often sabotage our goals—not external resistance, but the silent friction within. Whether it’s sticking to a health plan, changing careers, or taking time off, the hardest “yes” to get is often from ourselves.
This episode offers practical insights into self-awareness, emotional honesty, and the tools of effective internal dialogue. It's about learning to listen to your true needs, treating yourself with empathy, and crafting realistic solutions when life doesn’t go as planned.
Top Topics Covered:
1. The Hardest Person to Convince is You
We often think the struggle lies in convincing others—our boss, our family, or our friends—but in truth, the biggest obstacle is internal. This episode opens with the reminder that we must first believe in our decisions before we can pursue meaningful change. The first "yes" must always come from within.
2. Understanding BATNA: Your Backup Plan
A key negotiation concept, BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement), is explored through a personal lens. If your original plan—like taking an expensive vacation—falls through, what’s your alternative? Maybe it’s a cozy weekend in the woods. We discuss how to turn a “not now” into a satisfying “instead.”
3. Listening to What You Really Need
What looks like a luxury car might actually be about needing safety. What sounds like a dream vacation might just be a cry for rest. By taking a step back—or going “to the balcony” as Ury calls it—we can see the deeper emotional drivers behind our surface-level goals.
4. Facing Old Fears and Updating Them
Much of our resistance to change comes from outdated fears. We dive into how these past experiences show up in new contexts, often holding us back. The goal isn’t to dismiss the fear but to acknowledge it, understand its origin, and gently update it based on current reality.
5. From WATNA to Minimum Viable Progress
The episode also introduces WATNA (Worst Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) and how to redefine “failure.” Sometimes, the smallest action—like a 10-minute workout—is still a win if it keeps you moving. It’s about flexibility, compassion, and defining the bare minimum you can accept without giving up.
Key Takeaways:
Negotiating with yourself isn’t about tricking yourself into doing hard things—it’s about respect. Real change doesn’t come from bullying yourself into action but from having honest, thoughtful conversations with your inner self. You’ll learn that getting a “yes” from yourself starts by recognizing your true needs, challenging outdated beliefs, and being flexible enough to find the next best solution.
This episode will inspire you to rethink how you make decisions and how to create a path forward even when the ideal solution isn’t possible. It’s not about perfection—it’s about progress that sticks. Whether you're trying to improve your health, make a big life shift, or simply feel less stuck, the art of internal negotiation might just be your most valuable tool.
Jill’s Links
http://jillfromthenorthwoods.com
https://startwithsmallsteps.com
https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps
Email the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com
By choosing to watch this video or listen to this podcast, you acknowledge that you are doing so of your own free will. The content shared here reflects personal experiences and opinions and is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only. I am not a licensed healthcare provider, psychiatrist, or counselor. Any advice or suggestions offered should not be considered a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. You are solely responsible for any decisions or actions you take based on this content.Jill’s Links
http://jillfromthenorthwoods.com
https://startwithsmallsteps.com
https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps
Email the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com
By choosing to watch this video or listen to this podcast, you acknowledge that you are doing so of your own free will. The content shared here reflects personal experiences and opinions and is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only. I am not a licensed healthcare provider, psychiatrist, or counselor. Any advice or suggestions offered should not be considered a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. You are solely responsible for any decisions or actions you take based on this content.
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