Why We Lie to Ourselves About Values

In this episode I am joined by Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*, to talk about why so many of us build our lives around “shitty values” and what it takes to change. We discuss regret, shame and the stories we tell ourselves, and how taking responsibility without blaming yourself can transform the way you move through the world.

Mark shares his counterintuitive values framework, why you actually need failure, uncertainty and rejection, and how contemplating your own mortality can help you decide what really deserves your limited time and energy.

What We Cover

• Why “shitty values” are so alluring in early adulthood and how to recognise them in your own life
• The gap between your stated values and your lived behaviour, and why your actions tell the truth
• Responsibility versus fault, and how owning your choices creates agency after heartbreak and other setbacks
• People pleasing, approval seeking and the cost of caring too much what others think
• Why you should be willing to be disliked for something that matters and how this builds real trust
• How Mark thinks about “not giving a fuck” today and why it is really about better priorities, not apathy

By the end of the episode you will have a more honest way to look at your own values, practical tools for choosing better problems, and a new appreciation for time, mortality and what is truly worth caring about.

• Intro (00:00:00)
• Rethinking Your Younger Self (00:02:05)
• What We Get Wrong About Values (00:05:36)
• Time, Maturity, and Self-Deception (00:08:09)
• The People Who Hold Up the Mirror (00:12:07)
• When Culture Points Us the Wrong Way (00:15:44)
• The Making of an Unlikely Bestseller (00:21:03)
• “I’m Enough”… But Am I Really? (00:38:38)
• The Five Counterintuitive Values (00:44:50)
• Responsibility Isn’t Blame (00:50:41)
• Living With Maybe (00:56:23)
• What ‘Not Giving a F*ck’ Actually Means (01:01:45)
• Seeing Life Through a Finite Lens (01:11:53)
• Why Boredom Still Matters (01:20:32)

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Simon Hill, MSc, BSc (Hons)

• Creator of theproof.com
• Host of The Proof with Simon Hill
• Author of The Proof is in the Plants

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