Turning thought 'I'm not lovable' around

What if the feeling you’re trying to avoid is actually pointing to what you need most? In this episode, Coach Cole and Coach Hayley guide Tory and Jean through compassionate exploration of the urges driving their drinking. Tory describes anticipation, ritual, and the itchy “deprivation sweater” she feels when she skips a drink. Jean shares how isolation and social anxiety feed her belief that she’s “not interesting.” Both women dive into how to figure out why you drink - not to shame, but to uncover hidden needs, from creativity and space to self-worth and connection.

In Tory’s Session:

Translating the “deprived/itchy” sensation into data, not danger.

How anticipation builds the ritual—and how to disrupt it kindly.

Micro-pause practice: five minutes to explore how to figure out why you drink.

“No room to grow” → portable creativity kits and boundary conversations.

Reframing anger as an unmet-need alert, not a failure.

Shifting from measuring pours to measuring alignment and relief.

Choosing compassion tools over control tactics.

And more topics…

In Jean’s Session:

Social anxiety’s storylines: “I’m boring,” “I’ll say it wrong,” “I’ll stay home.”

Worth vs. worthiness feelings: why the difference matters.

Hand-on-heart anchors and compassionate self-talk before events.

Understanding how to figure out why you drink to stop pre-event numbing.

Low-stakes connection reps to unwind isolation loops.

“I’m in the process of…” turnarounds that feel true (not toxic positivity).

Progress over perfection: practicing courage in small doses.

And more…

Cole Harvey is a certified Naked Mind Senior Coach. For years, he felt lost and used alcohol as a way to cope, until he decided to go alcohol-free and focus on finding his purpose. Through curiosity, self-compassion, and adventure, he transformed his life. As a habit change and mindset coach, Cole helps young men understand themselves, build better habits, and find meaning.

Learn more about Coach Cole: https://thisnakedmind.com/coach/cole-harvey/

Hayley Scherders is a certified TNM Coach with training from the Canadian Addiction and Mental Health Association. Drawing from personal experiences, Hayley understands how tough change can be and provides a safe, compassionate, and judgment-free space where her clients can feel supported. She believes that with the right mindset, anyone can change their life at any time.

Learn more about Coach Hayley: https://thisnakedmind.com/coach/hayley-scherders/

Episode links:

nakedmindpath.com

Ready to take the next step on your journey? 

Visit https://learn.thisnakedmind.com/podcast-resources for free resources, programs, and more. Until next week, stay curious!

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