Exploring Different Views of Marriage and Their Impact on Relationship Health

What if the institution of marriage holds the key to societal well-being? How does marital status correlate with happiness, prosperity, and positive outcomes for children? Why do some elites downplay marriage's importance in public, even as they themselves often lead marriage-centric lives?

Brad Wilcox is a Professor of Sociology at the University of Virginia, director of the National Marriage Project and an author. His latest book is titled Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization.

Greg and Brad discuss contemporary views on marriage and how shifting societal norms around education, career focus, and individualism have impacted the timing and meaning of marital commitments. Brad Elaborates on what he calls the "soulmate myth" and how this quest for perfect partnership can delay or complicate marriage decisions. They draw intriguing comparisons between Western and arranged marriages, exploring how cultural expectations and extended family involvement contribute to marital success. Brad also dives into the evolving gender roles within marriage and their implications for marital stability and happiness.

*unSILOed Podcast is produced by University FM.*

Episode Quotes:

What needs to be done to strengthen marriages in general?

39:15: We have to help our elites understand that marriage benefits not just them, but people in general. And so, insofar as they're school superintendents, professors, journalists, C-suite executives, they could be taking steps in Hollywood, at Netflix, heading up a school district's approach to relationship education, a New York Times journalist to just do a better job. And I'm not even asking for like a rose-colored take on marriage, but just like a truthful take, so that our ordinary kids out there who are watching a Netflix show or, exposed often indirectly to some kind of major media coverage just come to appreciate more how much marriage matters for them and for any kids that they have down the road. That would be, I think, part of the answer. But we've also got to recognize and realize that there's a financial piece to all this, and that's why addressing things like the marriage penalty and also giving people a more generous child tax credit would be helpful as well.

Can the people around you help you choose a better partner?

13:48: As we begin to get more serious or think about getting more serious about someone, I think we should pay attention to how our friends and family members react to a potential boyfriend or girlfriend to make a better decision about our future.

Is there a way in which your ability to manage conflict within the marriage helps you to manage conflict elsewhere?

16:00: Selection effect is part of the story, yes, but having the counsel of a spouse, having the perspective of a spouse as you navigate both work and social challenges of one sort or another, has been invaluable for me, and I think for a lot of people, and we do see when it comes to men, for instance, that guys who are married earn markedly more and make more strategic choices professionally than their peers who aren't married, even controlling things like race, education, profession, and age. So, I do think that being married often endows us with extra benefits, including the counsel and support of our spouse as we navigate life.

Should your spouse be your best friend? 

14:41: One of the key challenges for contemporary couples is to not rely on their spouse for all of their social support and all of their emotional connections and to recognize that oftentimes, a good girlfriend, a mother, a brother, a guy friend, or a friend is going to be a better place to turn than your spouse. Not putting all of your emotional eggs in the marital basket paradoxically tends to make your marriage more resilient rather than less important.

Show Links:

Recommended Resources:

• Robinson Crusoe
• Capstones vs. Cornerstones
• Individualism
• Limbic Capitalism
• Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community
• Andrew Tate
• Hannah Pearl Davis
• Melissa Kearney
• Robert Nisbet
• Émile Durkheim

Guest Profile:

• Faculty Profile at the University of Virginia

His Work:

• The Awfulness of Elite Hypocrisy on Marriage
• Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization
• Soul Mates: Religion, Sex, Love, and Marriage among African Americans and Latinos
• Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands (Morality and Society Series)