Mitchell

welcome back to leading with purpose empowering talk radio I'm your host Nathan R. Mitchell before we get back to our interview with mr. Bob Paff author of the Amazon best-selling book communicating to win in life love and business I would like to invite invite all of you listening in to this episode right now to let your voice be heard at leading with purpose radio I value my listeners your feedback is important to me in order to continue bringing you the best content I want to hear from you so all you have to do to participate in our online survey is visit us at leading with purpose radio calm click on the take listener survey at the top of the page just make sure you select leading with purpose from the list of shows on the first page of that survey and we thank you in advance for your participation in doing that and Bob welcome back to the show right before the commercial break we were talking about this importance of social skills and you know as I say it right before the commercial communication impacts everything we do it impacts who we are as people ultimately who we become in life in your professional opinion I mean you you consult with the organizations you go in and train groups of people on effective communication from your experience working with organizations and leaders one of the major stumbling blocks really hold people back from communicating effectively in organizations today

well I think one of the main things that holds us back from so many things is fear and I talked about this in the book and and Gandhi talked about it years ago and I was pleased to find out after I put it the book that Gandhi mentioned it fear really cripples us and and paralyzes us in so many ways you know fear rejection fear embarrassment fear of confrontation fear failure all these things and so it's it's that you know we don't see people as they are we see them as we are so it's kind of like looking in that mirror so looking at your faults and looking at your and your fears and your disappointments and all of those things really factors into how we present ourselves and how we carry ourselves and how reassured and how successful we are so that you know the other thing to Nathan is unfortunately a lot of people and I'm sure you've experienced these people you've worked with these people experience of fear life maybe we had them in college in high school people that arise the situations that they really maybe are ill suited for you know that whole glass ceiling thing there are a lot of folks that are in positions that they didn't expect themselves to begin to that maybe they inherited through the through no fault of their own but we're we're put in situations I talk about this when I have a talk that I give on on team building and putting members of the team think about this a lot of times roles are delegated they're not necessarily in breaks they're not necessarily selected but they're put upon us and so I think there's a lot of that that goes on in in business in general I mean I think there are people that are in roles in situations in careers quite frankly in relationships but they don't want to be there and we do so many things based on the expectations of others you know that whether it's our parents our siblings our teachers our whoever it is we live our lives through them the mirror and the filter of other people's expectations right

you know and I found myself there also I mean I was at the fortune 50 company for nearly 12 years and I was kind of you know the the the round peg in trying to fit into a square hole I just was not in the right place and you know to be honest with you'll be transparent here I mean you were transparent earlier talking about your failed marriages I I struggled with alcohol addiction as a result of the pain that I was in for being in an organization and a job that I absolutely hated and you know it was five six years ago when I ultimately just quit drinking entirely and I thought to myself wow if I can if I can overcome this I can accomplish anything and it was it was at that time in my life where you know I I left a six figure career with a fortune 50 company and cashing on my chips and took the leap of faith and moved on and the safety net appeared I mean it worked out for my family and I and I never looked back on that was one of the best decisions I've ever made so reinventing myself for me really occurred at about age 34 35 in my life anyway well to

this for you I mean because that's you know I think everything that we do is a leap of faith but and I talked about take a lot I talked about in the book talking about you know my parents please call in just my ministry because I felt I have felt and tell to do this I mean I'm really very excited about the second phase of my life I came to it later than you you're very fortunate people asked me all the time Nathan who were my role models and you may be surprised to hear I had none right out you may teach your father my dad left at 10 and I left I left home at 16 I was in foster care and so I didn't have it was more for me a model of what not to do than what to do and so I again I feel very blessed to come to this at this point in my life but what you did taking that leap of faith is it's really painful it's it's that Chinese proverb that I love there's great opportunity and pain but most people can't make that leap I understand it I don't know what can tell me to do what I've done and to put myself out there and one of the words that people use when they describe my work is bravery you know so many people Nathan come to me and say you're very brave for I don't look at it that way I'm gonna bear to tell you that I was married and divorced twice I'm not bear the circumstances I thought I thought you know I'd have the yellow but over the way take events and I celebrate my 50th anniversary and all of them one of my six kids would be feeding me applesauce and you know coming my two hairs when I got into a nursing home I never imagined that I'd be a twice divorced guy I mean yeah we don't we don't you know it's my 29 year old son said to me one day dad I don't want your life and he didn't say it in a derogatory way it was a nice conversation we were having this was a young man who came to live with me after my first life and a fair with a neighbor yeah and he said mom I love you but I don't like you I'm a little bit dad comes to me later on in life and said dad I don't want your life and I said Taylor I don't know that I wanted my life but I've made the most of what's been given to me what's been dealt to me you know we talk about the cards being dealt to you so I've made the most that I want this part expression hell no right it's no L no but what am I gonna do with it you know and I help who can I touch who can I reach and we're we can thousands of people at least thousands I'm not ready to say million Jeff but we're reaching thousands of people across the world not just here a quality world yeah

and at the end of the day nobody gets married with the idea that they want that marriage to fail right absolutely and the same way that nobody starts a successful career with a fortune 50 company right the idea that I want this to lead me to drink right nobody thinks those things right and talking about that whole leap of faith I mean I think people are finally willing to make the change once the pain that they are in now yeah so intense that it's more painful than the painful that cotton than the pain that would come with the change and you know I when I do work with small businesses here in the Oklahoma area is one of the things we talk about you for common fears fear of success fear of failure fear of change fear of the unknown so let's talk about this real quick this whole idea of fear you know why is it in your opinion that it's so immobilizing to people I mean this this impacts everything I mean it holds them back from achieving everything they want in life I

think we're conditioned I think you know we grew up and we're told often and in the under the pretense of maybe protecting you that oh you know you can't do that or you know we're surrounded by negativism I think and things happen to us that we're not even aware of we become incredibly incredibly conditioned and expectations to put upon us that I think it's one of the most difficult life experiences I think is to really find yourself to know who you are to know what you want to listen that the devil we know for the devil we don't you've heard that expression you know we can surround ourselves with negative people it's like well yeah I know how to deal with that at least like they managed through it but what's on the other side of that new touch donut people don't change until they realize that where they are the pain of where they are is greater than the pain of the unknown but we become so conditioned and so do users term beaten down you know beaten down like some of the people we spent a lifetime of this stuff and that's that's why I think we become powerless to the mobilize I mean it's I should it's all the time they said that the most important person you communicate with on a daily basis is yourself sure and you know we don't make that investment in ourselves do we it's amazing you're you're the product I give it to all called me ink treating yourself like a business I don't care what you do if you've got a brick front if you're a salt like you and I and do whatever it is that you do you are the product you are the business so whether you work for a fortune 50 or 100 or 500 or whatever you're still a silo within that organization and you need to treat yourself such but it's hard I mean this is hard stuff it sounds very very simple through the Wall Street Journal's written in a third grade level so we're not talking necessarily my concepts aren't rocket science but there are things that are really really hard to do because it requires that leave of faith as you and I just talked about before it it requires you to go out of your comfort sense and well most people can't do it don't want to do it no I'm at

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