The Tragedy of Not Receiving God's Love

I feel like I may have even been stingy in speaking about the grace of God because I wanted to control people's actions and purity. If other Christ is the Lord of that area then they're going to fight for even more purity. Of course he's Lord but I just got so focused on well if he was really Lord over my life what about my sin this week he was not really be Lord. And one of the things that kid prayed on Sunday after I laid hands on prayed for him we prayed for each other saying God break this. Was he says God forgive me for thinking that I was being humble by not receiving your love because I don't deserve it? He totally got what