BONUS: How To Build Trust and Manage Conflict, With Maria Arpa
In this BONUS episode, we dive deep into the art of building trust and managing conflict in the workplace with Maria Arpa, an expert mediator and creator of the Dialogue Roadmap. Maria shares powerful insights on transforming workplace dynamics through compassionate communication and authentic dialogue.
Understanding Power Dynamics in the Workplace
"What we don't talk about openly, most people end up acting out."
Power imbalances exist in every workplace and cannot be ignored. Maria emphasizes the importance of exposing and addressing these power dynamics openly, particularly the unspoken contracts that govern our interactions. These implicit agreements often drive behavior and can lead to conflict when left unaddressed.
The Dialogue Roadmap: Moving Beyond Debate
"We give children prizes for debating societies. We don't give children prizes for collaborative behavior."
The Dialogue Roadmap offers a structured approach to authentic conversation that moves away from the traditional debate model. Maria explains how our societal conditioning toward debate and competition can hinder genuine communication and collaboration.
Creating Safe Spaces for Difficult Conversations
"You can't have these conversations while you're trying to do the work and meet a deadline."
One key aspect of effective conflict resolution is creating dedicated spaces for challenging conversations. Maria emphasizes that these discussions cannot happen effectively while trying to meet deadlines or during regular work activities.
The Power of Empathic Connection
"Empathy drives change. It drives change from the inside out."
Building trust starts with establishing empathic connections. Maria shares how this approach drives change from the inside out, rather than trying to force external changes.
Managing Conflict as a Resource
"Conflict, when approached compassionately, is our biggest free resource that opens the door to creativity."
Rather than viewing conflict as a problem to be solved, Maria suggests seeing it as a valuable resource for positive change. When approached compassionately, conflict can open doors to creativity and innovation.
Language and Trust-Building
"Words can be windows or walls... language is the software in our brains that we use to tell us what to do."
The words we choose can either build bridges or create barriers. Maria introduces the concept of "enforcement mentality" and its impact on workplace relationships.
In this segment, we refer to the episode with Michelle Pauk on the importance of language in our work.
Practical Tools for Leaders
Maria shares several practical approaches for leaders to build trust and manage conflict:
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Slow down conversations using techniques like the metronome
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Use phrases like "If I understand you, what you really want me to hear is..."
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Create opportunities to restart conversations with "This isn't the conversation I meant to have. Can I start again, please?"
Maintaining Accountability Without Enforcement
"You can say 'What conversation should I be having with you?' - how the person answers tells you everything you need to know."
Creating accountability without falling into an enforcement mentality requires clear communication about expectations and consequences. Maria emphasizes the importance of making contracts explicit and inviting people to take ownership of their responsibilities.
About Maria Arpa
Maria Arpa is an expert mediator, counselor, and advocate for meaningful workplace change, and the creator of the Dialogue Roadmap - a communications tool that moves away from accusative/blaming ways of communicating to a much more compassionate and collaborative way of working. In her book "Mindfulness at Work", Maria offers powerful strategies to transform stressful, conflict-ridden workplaces into environments of harmony and collaboration.
You can connect with Maria Arpa on LinkedIn, or visit Maria Arpa’s Workplace Huddle website.
