Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask.
Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies.
From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply human side of sexual exploration (as always, with zero shame and plenty of insight).
Whether you’re curious, cautious, or kinky AF, this episode is packed with permission, perspective, and practical advice.
Let’s get into it.
💛 Here’s what we’re covering:
- Why we have kinks (and why you don’t need a “reason” to justify them)
- The most common sexual fantasies and what they really mean
- The difference between a fantasy and a desire (and how to safely explore both)
- Can you fantasize about someone else during sex with your partner?
- What to do when your fantasy doesn’t match your partner’s
- How to explore pegging, role reversal, and butt stuff (without shame)
- The sex club fantasy (that’s not about group sex)
- Navigating gender play, lingerie, and makeup with confidence
🔗 Links & Resources
- Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In The Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode53
- Justin Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want (Science of Sexual Fantasies) 👉🏻 https://sexualhealthalliance.com/justin-lehmiller-science-of-fantasy
- Episode 213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!) 👉🏻https://vmtherapy.com/episode213
❤️ Ready to go deeper?
Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach).
🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper
✅ Stay Connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander**
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Timestamps
00:00 – Why we have kinks
08:27 – 7 most common fantasies
11:25 – Difference between kinks and fantasy
19:03 – Cuckolding
25:30 – Fantasizing about other people during secs
30:15 – Breeding kink
32:32 – Sex club with spouse
39:15 – MMF threesome vs. MFF
43:46 – Male anal play & pegging
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