How to Notice and Name Your Rules

Molly and Clarissa get real about the spoken and unspoken "rules" we inherit—from family, culture, religion, peers, and recovery spaces—and how those rules can quietly run our lives. They explore when structure is protective (especially early recovery) and when rigidity shrinks our world. The invitation: notice the rule, name whose voice it is, examine its intention, and rewrite it as a flexible, values-aligned boundary (a loving guardrail) that serves your recovery today.

What we cover

Invisible operating systems: How covert rules ("Don't cry in public," "Finish your plate," "Don't upset Dad," "Work before rest") get encoded as truth and shape choices, identity, and self-worth.

Where rules come from: Family modeling, culture/diet/purity narratives, religion & tradition, media comparison loops, and past painful moments that birthed survival strategies.

When rules help vs. harm: The cast-to-brace metaphor—early structure can be lifesaving; never taking the brace off becomes its own injury.

Food-recovery example: "The kitchen is closed after dinner." Helpful as temporary scaffolding; harmful if it overrides true hunger, fuels all-or-nothing thinking, or becomes punishment.

Language that frees: Swap "I can't" for "I choose not to (right now)." Replace rules with loving guardrails anchored in values, not fear.

Meeting the Rebel: How the inner rebel shows up when we feel controlled, and how flexibility + permission reduces backlash and binge risk.

Compassion over condemnation: Seeing the origin story of a rule reveals it was protective, not defective—which softens shame and opens space to change.

Support matters: Borrowing a "prosthetic prefrontal cortex" from trusted people (group, therapist, friend) to reality-check and practice flexibility safely.

Try this: a simple Rule Audit

Spot it: What's one rule you notice yourself following today?

Name the voice: Whose rule is it (family, program, culture, scared younger you)?

Intention check: What safety or benefit was it trying to create? Does that need still exist?

Cost check: How does it limit you now (shame, rigidity, disconnection from body needs)?

Rewrite it: Old: "I can't eat after dinner." New: "I stop after dinner unless I'm truly hungry—then I have a planned, recovery-friendly snack without shame."

Make it safer: Pre-plan options, text a support person, add a brief grounding before eating, pre-portion, and debrief after.

Nuggets & reframes

"Rules kept me safe then; values-based guardrails grow me now."

"Different doesn't equal dangerous. It's okay if new feels wobbly."

"Recovery should make life bigger, not smaller."

"Permission reduces rebellion."

"Thank you, old rule, for what you protected. I'm choosing something kinder now."

Reflection questions for listeners

Which rule in your life feels most rigid right now? What would a kinder, values-aligned version look like?

If you replaced one "I can't" with "I choose not to—for now," what changes in your body and nervous system?

Who are your go-to people to borrow perspective from when your threat system is loud?

The content of our show is educational only. It does not supplement or supersede your healthcare provider's professional relationship and direction. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified mental health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition, substance use disorder, or mental health concern.