I Don't Like to Be Along the Seaside

I am not maritime by temperament. I don't swim, though teachers who coach olympians have tried to prize me from the security of the inflatable toy swimming ring. In 19 64, on the way to take up a job in australia, i celebrated christmas aboard a piano cruiseship. Because christmas coincided with the ship crossing the equator, king neptune came aboard at the same time as father christmas. Equatorial virgins were invited to an initiation ceremony that entailed having our faces shaved with wooden razors prior to our being tipped backwards into the pool. Alerted to what was about to happen, i'd taken to my cabin where i