Today, Commander Divine speaks with Gary John Bishop, humanist, podcaster and author of the new book, Love Unfu*ked. A hilarious Scotsman with a brilliant mind, Gary esposes a unique brand of no-nonsense urban philosophy.

In this episode, Gary discusses the nature of relationships, how to just be as opposed to being a victim, and recognizing that you are your behavior rather than your thoughts.

Key Takeaways:

Our relationships are our best and most potent opportunity to gain self awareness. They grind to the surface everything we think we can get away with, including the shadow or “junk” parts of ourselves that we feel like we’ve already handled. Instead of defending your junk when it comes up in your relationship, see it as a lesson to understand and explore.

Don’t try to “control” your anger. This only leads to a buildup of repressed emotions that will eventually explode. Instead, realize and accept that anger is a natural human expression, and find a way to express it in a healthy way that works for you.

The turning point in personal development is taking responsibility for how you show up in the world. This requires great introspection and awareness of the nature of your own thoughts and the energy you put out in the world. You create your external world based on what’s going on inside you. And the energy you get back is always a direct reflection of what you’re putting out, so choose wisely! 

Don’t be a triumphant victim. A triumphant victim is someone who has overcome a terrible event, but still holds onto great anger about it. This only perpetuates their victimhood; it is only their resentment that keeps them stuck. When you just let go and let people off the hook for how things turned out, you finally free yourself from being the victim for good. Sometimes, fixing isn’t the answer.

When people come to us for advice, our first reaction is usually to try to fix or change the problem. But sometimes, all the person needs to sort themselves out is silence and space to say whatever they need to say. When you give somebody the freedom to just be themselves, it creates a lot of space.