3 Mindset Shifts to Build Emotional Resilience | Shireen Rizvi and Jesse Finkelstein
The Art of Charm
Clarifying Goals Before Conversations
Jesse outlines three interpersonal objectives—get an objective, preserve relationship, protect self-respect—and prioritizing them.
When emotions clash with reason, clarity feels impossible. In this episode, AJ and Johnny sit down with psychologists Dr. Shireen Rizvi and Dr. Jesse Finkelstein — coauthors of Real Skills for Real Life — to explore how Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) turns emotional chaos into calm, actionable wisdom. They break down DBT’s balance of change and acceptance, show how to identify “skills deficits” behind recurring struggles, and reveal why mindfulness and emotional awareness are the foundation of resilience.
You’ll learn how to use DBT’s practical frameworks — including the Wise Mind and DEAR MAN skills — to strengthen communication, build emotional regulation, and handle difficult conversations without losing self-respect. Whether you’re negotiating at work, managing conflict, or simply trying to understand yourself better, this conversation gives you a playbook for thinking clearly and acting with intention — even under pressure.
What to Listen For
[00:01:00] What DBT adds to traditional CBT — and why it works
[00:02:28] The balance between change and acceptance in personal growth
[00:05:06] Reframing emotional struggles as “skills deficits”
[00:07:02] Breaking emotional loops and rewriting your story
[00:10:28] Understanding “Wise Mind” — integrating logic and emotion
[00:16:33] How emotion is data — not distraction
[00:20:12] Using mindfulness to expand your perspective and reduce suffering
[00:26:42] Building confidence through mastery and self-compassion
[00:31:28] DBT frameworks for clarity in high-stakes conversations
[00:33:46] Using DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST to communicate effectively
[00:49:22] How self-respect, values, and truth create lasting confidence
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Episode resources:
Real Skills for Real Life: A DBT Guide to Navigating Stress, Emotions, and Relationships
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