Kristen Drexler: I've always been an intensely self-critical person. It seems like promoting self-compassion can cause people to let themselves off the hook for their bad behaviors, she says. "We accept ourselves as flawed human beings who've made a mistake," and that sense of safety makes us less likely to blame other people when they do something wrong; it's not compassionate if you're harming yourself or others.
Self-compassion isn't selfish, says psychologist Kristin Neff, a pioneer in research on the topic. Kristin busts cultural myths about self-compassion, such as the idea that it makes us lazy or self-indulgent, and explains why it’s actually a more effective motivational tool than self-criticism. She also breaks down why fostering more self-compassion is a better strategy than trying to boost self-esteem and offers some simple practices for being kinder to ourselves.
If you enjoyed this episode, we recommend this one from the archives: “The Science of Our Inner Voice.”
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