I'm the Best Man, and I've Been There, Always Liked You

The best man of a wedding is asked for advice on how to open the roast. He says he's known the groom since they were kids, and even remembers his first girl friend. "I don't know how much rum you'regoing to be drinking on the island or whatever" The last thing you want to do is 'become a moment in the wedding' - it's not your day.