Setting Boundaries When Members Come to You

This podcast episode is a portion of a Zion Lab livestream discussing the challenges and best practices of bishop’s wives as they support their husbands in their demanding calling.

Watch the video and share your thoughts in the Zion Lab community
Transcript available with the video in the Zion Lab community

Highlights

The central topic of the conversation revolved around navigating the emotional, physical, and relational demands of the role, with a particular focus on combating the common feeling of loneliness and isolation experienced by the wives. The conversation provided practical tools for setting boundaries and lessons on delegation.

Key Insights

Loneliness and Entity Status: A common struggle is the feeling of loneliness, stemming from the bishop’s need for strict confidentiality (preventing him from sharing heavy matters with his wife) and the public perception of the family as a “third person” or “entity,” which can complicate social dynamics within the ward.

The Need for Boundaries: Wives act as protectors of their husband’s time and the marital relationship. They learn to set boundaries by directing members to approach the bishop directly rather than using the wife as a “back door” intermediary for requests or feedback.

The 24-Hour Rule: Multiple participants recommended the practice of waiting up to 24 hours before responding to non-urgent communications. This method ensures that true emergencies are addressed while allowing non-urgent issues to often resolve themselves, freeing up the bishop’s mental space and time.

Delegation to Empower: Effective delegation is essential to lessen the bishop’s burden. One participant emphasized fully empowering the elders quorum and Relief Society presidents to handle the adult members of the ward, allowing the bishopric to focus its primary attention on the youth.

Defining the Role Through Priesthood Blessing: While the role is not a formal calling, it is sacred. Multiple participants recommended that the bishop or stake president give the wife a priesthood blessing to provide personal direction and spiritual clarity on her unique role and areas of focus.

Finding Joy in Involvement: Wives can find connection by being involved on a family level. One participant shared that quarterly planning of creative Sacrament Meetings (e.g., Q&A sessions, open mics) with the entire bishopric and their wives led to a more exciting church experience for the congregation and increased her own joy.

Leadership Applications

Spiritual Support: Bishops should give their wives a priesthood blessing upon being called to help them understand their unique, inspired role and receive strength for the coming demands.

Teach Proper Channels: Bishopric members and other ward leaders must teach members to utilize the proper channels for help, such as ministering brothers/sisters, rather than immediately contacting the bishop for non-confidential or non-urgent matters.

Empower Quorum/RS Leadership: Leaders must fully empower and train the elders quorum and Relief Society presidencies to confidently lead the adults, reducing the bishopric’s workload and allowing them to successfully focus on their primary responsibility of ministering to the youth.

00:03:00 – Experience with Sacrament Meeting Planning
00:05:00 – Involvement of Bishopric Wives
00:06:00 – Unique Sacrament Meeting Formats
00:08:00 – Navigating Involvement and Expectations
00:10:00 – Hyper-Awareness as a Bishop’s Wife
00:12:00 – Setting Boundaries with Congregation
00:14:00 – Protecting the Bishop’s Time
00:16:00 – Delegation Strategies for Bishops
00:18:00 – Balancing Family and Church Responsibilities
00:20:00 – Navigating Relationships with Ward Members
00:22:00 – Supporting a New Bishop
00:24:00 – Seeking Guidance and Blessings
00:26:00 – The Role of the Bishop’s Wife
00:28:00 – Addressing Feelings of Loneliness

The award-winning Leading Saints Podcast is one of the top independent Latter-day Saints podcasts as part of nonprofit Leading Saints’ mission to help Latter-day Saints be better prepared to lead. Find Leadership Tools, Courses, and Community for Latter-day Saint leaders in the Zion Lab community. Learn more and listen to any of the past episodes for free at LeadingSaints.org.

Past guests include Emily Belle Freeman, David Butler, Hank Smith, John Bytheway, Reyna and Elena Aburto, Liz Wiseman, Stephen M. R. Covey, Benjamin Hardy, Elder Alvin F. Meredith III, Julie Beck, Brad Wilcox, Jody Moore, Tony Overbay, John H. Groberg, Elaine Dalton, Tad R. Callister, Lynn G. Robbins, J. Devn Cornish, Bonnie Oscarson, Dennis B. Neuenschwander, Kirby Heyborne, Taysom Hill, Coaches Jennifer Rockwood and Brandon Doman, Anthony Sweat, John Hilton III, Barbara Morgan Gardner, Blair Hodges, Whitney Johnson, Ryan Gottfredson, Greg McKeown, Ganel-Lyn Condie, Michael Goodman, Wendy Ulrich, Richard Ostler, and many more in over 800 episodes.

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