How to Ask Who You Aren't Listening To

Show Notes:

Oscar Trimboli is the author of How to Listen and the host of the podcast Deep Listening. He talks about the importance of listening in the context of an initial discussion with a client, and highlights the importance of being present and mindful in the conversation, and to focus on understanding the other person's perspective. Oscar stresses the need to be aware of underlying emotions, and to be patient and respectful during the conversation. He concludes that having an open dialogue and listening to the other person's point of view is paramount to building a strong relationship and achieving successful outcomes.

How to Improve Client Projects

Oscar talks about the importance of listening during the context call with a client on their project. He emphasizes that listening should not be limited to face-to-face conversation but should include pre- and post- conversation activities as well. As an example, he mentioned his own pre-interview question to the client about the audience in attendance. Oscar suggests three questions to ask prior to entering the room. By posing these questions, you can gain a better understanding of the client's needs and desires and be better equipped to lead the conversation. Oscar explains how to best approach a context conversation for a potential project by asking these three questions, which should include the characteristics of a great listener: curiosity, flexibility and openness. 

In email introductions, Oscar explains how to add three bullet points to an email introducing the project, which should include mentioning three common issues the project may have, and how to refer to these issues to position yourself as knowledgeable while also gaining information. These questions can also position you as a problem solver and not just as a gaining a client for your business. 

The Importance of Listening to what Is not Said

In order to be a great listener, one must understand the science and art of conversation. Oscar talks about the importance of listening and the gap between thinking speed and speaking speed. Oscar suggests that we should be conscious of what is not being said in a conversation and offers some ways to self-assess. An effective listener should focus on both what is being said and what is not being said. A speaker typically speaks at 125-150 words per minute, but can think in a range of 900-1600 words per minute whereas you can listen up to 400 words per minute. Paying attention to what the speaker hasn’t said can help create a more meaningful conversation and create a more positive experience for the client. As a result, referrals should increase as clients feel heard and valued. What to Avoid When Mirroring Clients

Oscar talks about the best way to ask questions when trying to understand a project from a client's perspective and the importance of mirroring the client's specific language and vocabulary during a meeting. He suggests that the consultant should be careful and cautious when using language related to the future, as the client may not be able to believe in such a distant vision. He also suggests calibrating the language to the client's time horizon and paying attention to the type of language the client is using. For example, are they speaking in stories or statistics? Are they big picture or linear? The consultant should be matching the client's level of abstraction in order to have a successful conversation.

Oscar highlights the importance of using mental models to recognize code words, and listening to different perspectives. He expands on the advisor’s role, giving an example with a client he worked with in the pharmaceutical industry to demonstrate gaps in listening and understanding, which degraded performance. 

How to Improve Listening and Comprehension in a Meeting

To improve listening, Oscar introduces the 70/70s squared approach, where roughly 70% of the way through a meeting, a person can ask a question to understand what has been heard. He offered a few variations of this question, like asking to summarize the last 30 minutes or asking what questions the CEO would ask if they were in the room. Ultimately, these questions help people to step back and rethink their approach, considering the perspectives of people in authority or in other areas of the business.  Following Up after the Meeting

Oscar stresses the importance of being mindful of how one takes notes during a meeting and the purpose behind it. He suggests that it may be beneficial to record the conversation and to state your actions clearly. After the meeting, it is important to generate artifacts such as what happened in the conversation and supplemental materials. Within 24 hours, it is beneficial to ask the client if anything has popped up since the conversation or if anything was not covered during the meeting. 

To follow up after a meeting,  Will suggests sending a recap email as a way to show that the listener was paying attention and to provide a summary of the discussion. Oscar adds that, if the listener has paid attention to the other person's communication preferences, they could send a video or voice memo as an additional way to demonstrate understanding and increase the shareability of the summarised information and progress the complex ideas faster in the organisation. He talks about the benefits of thinking about how you communicate and not just what you communicate and talks about methods used in his own consulting practice. Finally, Oscar offers three valuable tips to improve listening and communication skills. 

Timestamps: 03:51 Exploring the Benefits of Pre-Meeting Questions for Effective Listening 09:01 Frictionless Scheduling: Making it Easier for Clients to Say Yes 09:52 Adopting a New Email Response Protocol

10:54 Understanding the Neuroscience of Conversation 14:41 Listening to What Is Not Said 20:23 Mirroring Client Language 25:09 Listening and Mental Models 25:36 Exploring Unheard Perspectives

36:40 After the Meeting Actions and Artifacts

Links:

Online Quiz: ListeningQuiz.com

Unleashed is produced by Umbrex, which has a mission of connecting independent management consultants with one another, creating opportunities for members to meet, build relationships, and share lessons learned. Learn more at www.umbrex.com.